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My Mindfulness Practice

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Day 32: Coming Back

Would you want to spend a week as someone of the opposite sex? someone very old? very ugly? or severely handicapped?
YES! I want to experience being a man and appreciate what it means to be a son to my family. I actually want to experience it all. Be very old, very ugly, be the prettiest handicapped woman walk into the room. Every experience is precious. It also makes me appreciate my own experience of being Paggie too.

If so, which one would most intrigue you?
The one intriguing me is to be a man. I have been treated as "the son" in my traditional Chinese family. I am the eldest too. In a way, I am automatically to be the one to have all the answers. I also wonder, what it will feels like if I am being the real man for a week. 

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Day 33: Guided Body Scan

Are there people you envy so much that you'd actually want to trade lives with them?  If so, who?

WOW. I thought I have mountain of people to trade lives out of envy. With some deep thinking, I do not want their life. Those life of being influencers and fame are hard work and risks that I do not want to take. If to choose one person to trade lives, I choose my grandma. I know her life is tough and it feels like the best and worst era to experience.

Do you think many people would want to trade lives with you if they knew your whole story?  Why?

Maybe there are people want to trade live with me for my living condition. My life is awesome! I live in well condition family, dogs to love and be loved, the most awesomest boyfriend, and pretty well jobs with freedom. My life story has its ups and downs. There are severe heartbreaks and addictions. So, if the person who like to trade lives with me, I would fight for my place and make this world a better place to live for everyone. My life is mine!

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Day 34: Mindful Walking

If you were a role model to millions of children who closely followed you and your life choices, how would you change your behavior?

I be very mindful of my choices and be open about my vulnerability. Being a millennial who growing up in traditional family, we been taught to be tough, don't let people know your feelings, or they will use it to attack me. For next generations who is looking up to me, I would love them to be open about feelings as friends, not enemy. The child will grow up in a world that is open and embrace who they are, how they want to grow up to be.

What if only your own kids were noticing you and being affected?

It feels like 2 sides of a coin. I am being watched by my kids, absorbing and learning what it means to be human. They will portray the best and the worst traits of me (and my partner). It is more and more important about conscious parenting. Be mindful of my intention of every words and actions.

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Day 35: Knowing The Breath

What is your greatest accomplishment?

My greatest accomplishment is my Pag Me Up program. I designed a comprehensive program that set the tone for the day. Exercise, meditate, journal, and community. A space to express one self authentically, compassion and kindness. The results to be skinny thin or fit is not the focus point, it is the daily practice of BEING, that shines the most.

Has it meant as much to you as you thought it would?

Yes. The program is my baby.

Is there anything you hope to do that would be even better?

I hope to reach out more people to practice together. The essence of a program, is not how good the program is. It is the people.

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Day 36: Reassurance of the Breath

What would your funeral be like if you died tomorrow?  Who would want to speak, and what would they say about you if they were being honest?

My funeral will be a painful and lonely because tomorrow COVID still happening. I don't mind how I die or how my body is being cremated or buried. I SUPER CARE how my family and loves one feels about my passing in the COVID era. There are not allow to touch me and say words closely to me. My body will be heavily covered with sanitising white powders and alcohol. 

Funny, how this topic just happened when my close friend's father just passed away this morning. It hit me so hard and this question has popped at a funny timing. 

I know what will my family and friends will say about me. "She's so young", "She always taking care of her body and live so healthy", "There are so much I want to do with her" Just because it is COVID, NOTHING CAN BE TAKE FOR GRANTED. Everything and anything can happen to any people, no matter living condition and age. 

Do you care much about having people mourn your death?

I CARE! I care how many people show up in my funeral. My funeral will be a community hub, a gathering space for long lost friend.

  • My kindergarten mate will talk about how boyish I was,
  • Primary schoolmate will reminiscing good times,
  • High school mate will talk about glorious history and how we shaped the school the way it is today, 
  • Milestone community will pass my legacy to next generation

I care because I love them. It makes me realised I do make a difference in this world.

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Hi Paggie,

First and foremost, I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your friend's father. My heart goes out to you and your friend. I can understand that this day of the challenge would certainly strike you in a different way had it come at some other time. Thank you for sharing your reflections and take care as you navigate whatever is present for you.  

Yes, COVID impacting the way that we mourn loved ones who have passed is a huge issue. I think about it often. I think that as a collective, we have underestimated or ignored the importance of such ceremonies. 

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Day 37: Passing Thoughts and Moods

The reflective questions are the same as Day 36. 
So, I share my mindful eating today instead.

It is absolutely amazing! I had traditional sweet potato dessert and Hakka Thunder Tea. I take it slow. Consuming each bite with gratitude. I felt energised with all the energy coursing through my body. 

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Day 38: Being Present and Letting Go

Do you strive for more security, accomplishment, success, love, power, or excitement?

Yes. For me, I always look for more accomplishment. New memory creates with my love ones. New milestone to hit and bask in the glory. I think, it is all about what I want to create that leaves a mark of Paggie on Earth. Become the legacy that brings value to the world.

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Day 39: Three Minute Mindfulness of Sounds Meditation

How would it affect your life if you knew for certain that 500 years from now humanity would be thriving in an inspiring, amazing way?
I actually live my live my way. I do not need to go all out on climate change, giving a voice to movements, not taking risks. Mostly, be comfortable (or being lazy). Just live and breathe. 

What if instead you knew human civilization would be gone, destroyed by global war or environmental disaster?
I would fight to be there. I see injustice, I will voice out. I see anyone harming themselves and ecology system, I do my part to be there for humanity and environment.

Wow, I only fight when I see the world is doomed. That's a really profound reflection.

What would you do if you alone knew that in precisely 20 years the sun would explode and the world would end?

I live my life everyday to be the best me and contribute as I can. The world will end. I will end. I appreciate my life as it is. Spending time with family and friends on ZOOM. I love life as it is. 

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Day 40: Developing Loving Kindness

When you recount something that has happened to you, do you typically exaggerate and embellish?

At first, I thought I don't. Then I take time to brief and recall there are moment when I am writing my story on paper. I actually do exaggerate and embellish what happened to me. 

If so, why?

In a way, it is to glorify my life. To make my life have meaning. 

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Day 41: Grounding

If someone threw a party for you and invited everyone who ever mattered to you, who would you be most excited about seeing? most anxious about?  Why?

I am most excited to see my primary school teacher, Madam Ho. She creates such impact to me, IN MY LIFE! I was assigned to the famous "worst" class to teach. Madam Ho designed a special mission for this class and make every subject a game. It intrigues us to play and learn at the same time. There is nothing like her design in my whole school life. Because of her, the impact of having fun in my life is always my first consideration when making choices.

I am most anxious to meet ex-boyfriend, Kesavan. He introduced me to a new world of society and culture. His existence makes me realised, I am loved and it is okay to mess up, because we are human. I am anxious to meet him, in a way, I have not forgiven myself to end things poorly. If he shows up in the party, I would like to give my apology and sincere gratitude. Because from him, I am open and receptive to more possibilities.

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Day 42: Beautiful Water Sounds

Would you be happier with more control over what happens in your life or more control over your response to what happens?

Yes. I do see myself being happier with more control over my response to what happens. I believe the power of change is within me.

How could you gain more such control?

I would like to gain more control with mindfulness before action. Before I decide to eat high sugar snacks, I be mindful of my feelings at the moment. Before I want to catch on another Netflix show, I be mindful of what am I procrastinating from.

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Hi Paggie. Just read your post on day 42. (Well, I am at 5 now, but can't wait to come to the 40's, slowly but surely 🙂. These are really awesome insights that you shared. Especially the one with the "...what am I procrastinating from"... I can resonate with that as I get distracted pretty easily and this is a great question I also could ask in that moment of awareness. Thanks, cool sharing.

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Day 43: 4 Forms of Mindfulness of Breathing

What could someone figure out about you by the friends you've chosen?

With the friends I have now, they are go-getter, super believer in humanity and improvement. When see into me, I am the same as well. A go-getter, faithful in human growth and their higher self.

Do your friends tend to be older or younger than you? less or more talented and successful than you?

My friends are older 3-5 years older than me. They are so talented in their creation. Oh! They are creator, entrepreneurs and super passionate in their daily living jobs.

Do they share your values? ambitions? interests?

Now, I feel so grateful to have a circle that share the same ambition and views of world. It is so effortless and so right to meet them in this stage of my life. 

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Day 44: Working With Your Inner Critic

If you want to take a new and uncertain path in your life, but your friends really didn't want you to, would you go ahead against their wishes if you thought it was right for you?

Yes, I will go beyond for the path I know is right for me and perhaps fading the friends to the back of my head. 

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