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tribal

Self-compassion | Ressources , list

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Hello to all of you,

In my current understanding, the shortest definition for self-compassion is something like "Treating myself with kindness". And this involves often the way I talk internally to myself, or which thoughts / feeling  arise and which of those I choose to further cultivate.

As I am a fan of lists, I would like to invite you, to add to this topic, just pointers to resources, maybe with a short description. I suggest opening a separate topic, if you'd like to discuss or share your experiences.

So here is the one which inspired me to open this thread/topic here. 

Diana Winston : A Meditation on Your Self-Critical Voice  | Guided Meditation (audio) | on mindful.org

 

Wishing you well

tribal

 

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Great idea, Tribal! We all need self-compassion. 🙂

Here are some free self-compassion resources here at Mindfulness Exercises:

https://mindfulnessexercises.com/free-self-compassion-exercises/

 

I also appreciate what Kristin Neff states:

 

Quote

 

Self-Compassion is not self-pity.

When individuals feel self-pity, they become immersed in their own problems and forget that others have similar problems.  They ignore their interconnections with others, and instead feel that they are the only ones in the world who are suffering. Self-pity tends to emphasize egocentric feelings of separation from others and exaggerate the extent of personal suffering. Self-compassion, on the other hand, allows one to see the related experiences of self and other without these feelings of isolation and disconnection. Also, self-pitying individuals often become carried away with and wrapped up in their own emotional drama. They cannot step back from their situation and adopt a more balanced or objective perspective. In contrast, by taking the perspective of a compassionate other towards oneself, “mental space” is provided to recognize the broader human context of one’s experience and to put things in greater perspective. (“Yes it is very difficult what I’m going through right now, but there are many other people who are experiencing much greater suffering.  Perhaps this isn’t worth getting quite so upset about…”)

Related article:
 Does Self-Compassion Mean Letting Yourself Off the Hook?

Self-Compassion is not self-indulgence.

Self-compassion is also very different from self-indulgence. Many people say they are reluctant to be self-compassionate because they’re afraid they would let themselves get away with anything.  “I’m stressed out today so to be kind to myself I’ll just watch TV all day and eat a quart of icecream.” This, however, is self-indulgence rather than self-compassion.  Remember that being compassionate to oneself means that you want to be happy and healthy in the long term. In many cases, just giving oneself pleasure may harm well-being (such as taking drugs, over-eating, being a couch potato), while giving yourself health and lasting happiness often involves a certain amount of displeasure (such as quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising).  People are often very hard on themselves when they notice something they want to change because they think they can shame themselves into action – the self-flagellation approach.  However, this approach often backfires if you can’t face difficult truths about yourself because you are so afraid of hating yourself if you do.  Thus, weaknesses may remain unacknowledged in an unconscious attempt to avoid self-censure. In contrast, the care intrinsic to compassion provides a powerful motivating force for growth and change, while also providing the safety needed to see the self clearly without fear of self-condemnation.

 Related article: Is it Self-Indulgent to Be Self-Compassionate?

 

 

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On 10/26/2019 at 4:40 PM, Gillian Sanger said:

I find that exploring the subtle, judgmental thoughts I carry to be a really powerful practice.

@tribal - Oh, and rereading my post now reminded me of a quote that carries this sentiment beautifully:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

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8 hours ago, Gillian Sanger said:

Thank you Gillian  🙂  this one speaks most to me, maybe for the background mind-patterns it illustrates

I came across an article -dated November 13, 2019 - by Sharon Salzberg on mindful.org, which for me is somewhat complementary ( I see  harsh self-criticism turning into self-flagellation and eventually self-hatred, also as a form of cruelty).

How to Be Kind When Confronted with Cruelty ?   Kindness is a force of imagination—a whole-hearted, courageous, genuine awareness that we are all connected.

 

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On 11/18/2019 at 9:51 PM, tribal said:

How to Be Kind When Confronted with Cruelty ?   Kindness is a force of imagination—a whole-hearted, courageous, genuine awareness that we are all connected.

Do you have the link to the article? I'd be interested in reading it!

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I believe we must have kind awareness is vital to our well being.Don't judge yourself negatively.If you make a mistake say to yourself.I will do better next time.We are divine..we are beautiful.

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On 11/20/2019 at 5:07 PM, Gillian Sanger said:

Do you have the link to the article? I'd be interested in reading it!

Hi Gillian,

I'm glad to hear your interest in the topic / article.

I did not put a direct link as I am not keen on reading the policy of mindful.org as to repostig / relinking their articles.  I prefer putting the indications like : author, title, date and site on which I found it.

They have a search function, using  "Salzberg cruelty" , it pointed to the article.

 

Edited by tribal
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I came across this one today, on traumacenter.org, related to the field of trauma & and psychotherapy

What Are the Benefits of Mindfulness? A Practice Review of Psychotherapy-Related Research

Davis D. & Hayes J.,

American Psychological Association, Psychotherapy Vol.48. No. 2, 2009, pp. 198-208

I saw no search function on the traumacenter site;  I got back to it using a search engine and main keywords.

Edited by tribal

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Of all the darn things. My heart is so oriented to the well-being of others, yet, I have to work so hard to alleviate the harm (ie: regret, lack of self-worth) I do to myself.  Having said that, I see life as so beautiful and such a glorious gift. Sometimes the dichotomy is tough to swallow. 

Kindness to ourselves is where the beginning of love flows, be self-compassionate, any demonstration of love is worthwhile. I think of a flower that blooms...it didn't have to do it for me, but it did and I smile. Maybe we can look in the mirror and just acknowledge "you're beautiful, too."

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10 hours ago, rainbow said:

Of all the darn things. My heart is so oriented to the well-being of others, yet, I have to work so hard to alleviate the harm (ie: regret, lack of self-worth) I do to myself.  Having said that, I see life as so beautiful and such a glorious gift. Sometimes the dichotomy is tough to swallow. 

Kindness to ourselves is where the beginning of love flows, be self-compassionate, any demonstration of love is worthwhile. I think of a flower that blooms...it didn't have to do it for me, but it did and I smile. Maybe we can look in the mirror and just acknowledge "you're beautiful, too."

So beautiful and so very much needed by a lot of people I think. It's often easier to offer love, acceptance, and compassion to others - whereas when it comes to ourselves... that can be a lot trickier. 

You might be interested in this affirmation meditation... https://mindfulnessexercises.com/i-am-beautiful/

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