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larochelle

Lost seeking Something I guess

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Good Morning too all members

I am LaRochelle and I have in a way stumbled upon this site and well like the title says 

I feel lost in so many ways its not even funny. I hope to find some sort of insight upon the inner me.

I have been through many things in my life and I am a recovering addict and well Drugs and anything else that could help me escape reality

use too be what got me through my reality however the truth is nothing works and its all an illusion which cause more harm in the end.

I struggle to connect with other people, I have no friends cant get nor maintain relationships and constantly feel alone even in a crowd. I have this constant 

instinct to be alert or a 24/7 survival mode which leaves no room for living.

I am a very deep and passionate person who easily adapts to people and situations and I am constantly analyzing and seeking new ways of looking at situations  and 

I am always willing to help another in need. I love reading and Writing on many different aspects of life as well as  learning about anything possible and I have a pretty good sense of humor

. Im also very stubborn however when i'm wrong I am the first to admit to my mistake or wrong doing and questioning how i may correct it and apologize.

I guess i'm hoping in finding the true me within the broken pieces of pretending, avoiding, hiding and fear of the self. In this I also hope to 

find my true purpose in life as I dont believe that I am still alive just to die not having any real meaning to all I have lived through and the insight strength and 

heart I found in it all to be placed to good use in helping someone else.

if nothing else and even in failing to find me i hope to maybe inspire or help another on their journey if i can.    

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Hi @larochelle,

Welcome to the community. I'm Gillian - the moderator for the forum. If you have any questions, feel free to ask away.

This feeling of being 'lost' - I think it is common to so many of us. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing all of this. There is much isolation in our world at the moment, so hopefully this community will be a place for you to gain a sense of reconnection to other human souls.

Do you have any experience with mindfulness or any certain mindfulness practices you are drawn to? Let me know and I can direct you to specific forums or resources that might be helpful for you.

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58 minutes ago, Gillian Sanger said:

Hi @larochelle,

Welcome to the community. I'm Gillian - the moderator for the forum. If you have any questions, feel free to ask away.

This feeling of being 'lost' - I think it is common to so many of us. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing all of this. There is much isolation in our world at the moment, so hopefully this community will be a place for you to gain a sense of reconnection to other human souls.

Do you have any experience with mindfulness or any certain mindfulness practices you are drawn to? Let me know and I can direct you to specific forums or resources that might be helpful for yoy

Hi

First of I would just like to thank you for getting back to me so quickly I truly appreciate it and thank you for being so kind and willing to assist.

What I know about mindfulness is more or less the dictionary point and I would truly love to explore the topic in all its shapes and forms as I am a little uneducated in exactly all that it unfolds. 

I love reading writing and learning however I have a very busy non stop active mind that can drive me insane at times. I also have a tendency to be very negative towards myself and struggle to find silence within me.

I know am not at all able to connect with the inner self and I would love to learn all their is about mindfulness and it's possibilities so that I may hopefully become a productive and positive member here aswell as in my daily life and with others around me 

Please any suggestions any advice you can give is deeply appreciated.

Have a beautiful afternoon further

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I am very settled in my own path and am reluctant to make suggestions. I think people have to find their own paths. Doing so was really difficult for me. Like you, I felt really alienated, alone in any crowd, and thought we all must be missing something really meaningful. I too am familiar with often feeling despair as though "nothing works." When I was 19, I had a bad experience with a meditation group and dismissed any form of meditation from my consideration. I was in my 50's and pretty desperate myself before I heard an interview on the radio that sparked interest in it again--this time in the way it is presented in certain Buddhist traditions. I have been immersed in a formal practice and studying teachings for nearly 15 years now.

48 minutes ago, larochelle said:

I have a very busy non stop active mind that can drive me insane at times. I also have a tendency to be very negative towards myself and struggle to find silence within me.

I think what you said there probably would sum up a lot of people's experience. One of the first teachings in any mindfulness tradition is to accept that as a part of being human with kindness and compassion. That is sort of the place from which we begin. Every trick the mind plays to bring us down, we can simply acknowledge and greet as an honored and familiar companion or aspect of our being whose urgings we know better than to act out. There is no need to be cruel to him or her. If we forget, we try not to judge ourselves harshly and simply begin again. Better to commend ourselves for coming to our senses than to judge ourselves harshly. If we need help, we seek help just like you are doing here.  If you are at all like me, you'll find yourself doing quite a bit of beginning again.🙂 All I can do is offer you support and I'm sure there are lots of people on this site who join me in doing so. Best Wishes.

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@larochelle - There are so many different practices and teachings to explore. I'll start by offering some basics and you can sense out what feels right for you (or explore beyond these simple links). Be patient with yourself as you explore mindfulness in any form, and don't worry about getting it 'right' or being 'perfect' at it (I offer these words because my own inner critic and pursuit of perfection held me back from self-acceptance and surrender in the beginning). 

Some general resources that might spark some interest:

Mindfulness for Beginners Guide - https://mindfulnessexercises.com/8-mindfulness-exercises-for-beginners/

An Intro to Mindfulness Course - https://mindfulnessexercises.com/free-online-mindfulness-courses/mindfulness-made-easy/

I also love Tara Brach, so I tend to recommend her teachings; however, we each will resonate with different teachers just as we feel drawn towards different styles of practice - https://mindfulnessexercises.com/mindfulness-teachers/tara-brach/

If you start with a certain practice, let us know how it goes. We're here to support each other.

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Oh, one more thing - when I was introduced to mindfulness, it wasn't really intentional. I was at a book store and just felt something calling me to look, think, and live differently. So, I headed to the spirituality/self-help section and just looked for something that spoke to me. I ended up purchasing Jon Kabat-Zinn's 'Wherever You Go, There You Are' and so it began.

So that's one little ritual I can suggest - going to a bookstore (if you're able to in your corner of the world at this time) and just seeing what draws you towards it. 🙂

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You are both extremely appreciated right now.

David 

I really thank you for sharing your insights with me and I can't thank you enough just for your kindness and friendly welcome. Today is one of those hard and soul crushing days in my house where kindness understanding and general respect is non existent sadly a dayly occurrence here however I know that I change not the world therefore I shall be grateful for the light I do see and receive and I seek to become that very light to others all in good time.

I will definitely be giving it my all in the hope of finding the great serenity this offers.

Gillian

I am just as grateful for your guidance and kindness. I have also just unknowingly came to find this spiritual voice within that seemed to lead me to this site and searching other spiritual topics. I guess what really caught my eye was the self compassion part as I will be honest I struggle greatly with self love and compassion. I truly believe that something within me is guiding me towards this as I was always very much ignorant towards spiritual practice and hated religious practices. 

Thank you both from the bottom of my heart.

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Ha, ha. Already you can see how there are different doors for different people. I shutter at the mention of Jon Kabat-Zinn. For all the good he has done by making people aware of mindfulness practices he also has robbed those practices of some of their essentials. At least that is my view. I have known other people for whom his books and guidance have been invaluable. Still, to me he is the founder of McMindfulness. I nevertheless enjoyed reading his books. I would be more inclined to recommend Jack Kornfield’s A Path with Heart, but there are so many different places to begin.

Edited by David Weiskopf
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I will go look for A Path with Heart tonight and let you know what I have discovered.

I must go feed my dogs now and quickly finish up for my NA Meeting tonight. 

It's currently my only other escape from the walls that isolated and smother me that I have with the outside world than my books. 

Keep well talk soon

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8 hours ago, David Weiskopf said:

Ha, ha.

I would be more inclined to recommend Jack Kornfield’s A Path with Heart, but there are so many different places to begin.

lol ... he (and Kabat-Zinn) make me shudder. 

- - - 

Hi Larochelle, 

I recommend:

Mindfulness in Plain English by Henepola Gunaratana

Mindfulness in Plain English is an approachable introduction to mindfulness and meditation. These are practical tips and truly written in plain English with little spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Inside are practical tips on how to start meditating and deal with common problems.”

It is very clear and accessible.

Edited by Jeff Miller
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I agree with you Rachel. I find Pema Chodron to be very helpful and have read many of her books and attended some of her workshops. Her recent book, "Welcoming the Unwelcome" is particularly poignant and so relevant in today's world. I also like her book "Start Where You Are, A Guide to Compassionate Living." Some of the wisdom from that book:

"If you know how to die then you know how to live and if you know how to live then you'll know how to die. Suzuki Roski said, 'Just be willing to die over and over again.'" 

"Resistance to unwanted circumstances has the power to keep those circumstances alive and well for a very long time."

"The best way to use unwanted circumstances on the path of enlightenment is not to resist but to lean into them. Befriending emotions or developing compassion for those embarrassing aspects or ourselves, the ones that we thing of as sinful or bad, becomes the raw material, the juicy stuff with which we can work to awaken ourselves."

"Instead of habitually clinging to what's delightful, you could become accustomed to giving it away, sending it out to others on the outbreath. This enables you always to maintain a joyful mind. It begins to ease away the burden of maintaining your own private happiness as well as your usual load of unhappy situations and minor irritations- the burden of ego."

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