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Ali Zien

Day 10 Celebration !

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Posted (edited)

to understand my backstory and my suffering with addiction: ( I am open that I was addicted to adult movies )

Today I've completed 10 days of total bliss ,peace and serenity. ( I keep track of my progress )

I wanted to express my joy and gratitude by sharing this win and this very important milestone on my road to recovery for the past years I've tried many (really many) times to change my behavior and to move towards creating a more positive happy life and I don't want to say I've tried many things but I will assume I did.

it was always impossible for me to move beyond day 10, sometimes it did sound terrifying because I knew if I was able to move through the urges of the first week  my willpower will be drained from resisting the urges and also because I was always experiencing stress or boredom most of the time.

I couldn't move beyond day 5 because I was heavily identified with the mind and my mind was like an insane cat sometimes it would think about how amazing life will be after recovery and all the things I will do,then after few minutes it start thinking about relapsing and that I can't stay clean for this long time.

I thought (with identification to ego) that I will be happy after I recover from porn addiction and I will lose weight and my life will be a bliss... thus I kept trying for years quitting porn and binge eating.... to be honest I wasn't addicted to any of that at all

I was addicted to something very more dangerous... it was a predator that pushed millions of people to commit suicide if not physically then spiritually and it caused enough suffering that the last century it killed nearly 60 million people in 6 years and caused a world war (twice and seemingly soon there will be a trilogy)

I was (probably still but being aware is the most important vital step towards awakening) addicted to thinking and identified with the mind and thus I was suffering a lot with symptoms (porn addiction,binge eating, stress,relapsing, depression, suicidal thoughts, excess fear).

I do take a medicine to make me calmer and I take benefit from it by doing 1 hour meditation and practicing presence as much as possible so I can build more liberation and connect with my being. Now all the symptoms disappeared and my body lost weight and it's so much easier to be happy.

 

and also I wanted to say that I found a precious gem Leah (spiritual accountable friend ^_^) who is so kind and unconditionally loving who helped & supported me a lot in this little journey.

Namaskar ♥ may Allah fill your heart with peace and joy.

 

Edited by Ali Zien
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This is so wonderful to hear @Ali Zien! Congrats on reaching this milestone. It takes great courage, vulnerability, and inner strength to get to where you are.

Wow... addiction to the mind. This is pervasive, you are right. I appreciate how you have shared this insight about your addictive behaviours. Indeed, it is the mind that creates so many problems for us. One great example of this is something I realized in my relationship to coffee. To me, coffee doesn't taste good, and it also doesn't sit well with my body (it gives my stomach a really uncomfortable feeling). And yet still, for such a long time, I couldn't give it up. What helped me to really shift this attachment was the realization that what I liked about drinking coffee was what my mind said about it. My mind was very convincing in getting me to believe that somehow my morning experience would be better (almost magical!) if I could sit with a cup of coffee. It took time for me to see through the illusion of this belief and to let go of my habit of coffee drinking. I still drink coffee on special occasions, but usually just a sip or two and no longer do I feel the attachment to it. But it was such an interesting realization, that it wasn't the coffee I ever enjoyed but the story behind it.

Thank you again for sharing this update. I look forward to hearing more!

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5 minutes ago, Gillian Sanger said:

This is so wonderful to hear @Ali Zien! Congrats on reaching this milestone. It takes great courage, vulnerability, and inner strength to get to where you are.

Wow... addiction to the mind. This is pervasive, you are right. I appreciate how you have shared this insight about your addictive behaviours. Indeed, it is the mind that creates so many problems for us. One great example of this is something I realized in my relationship to coffee. To me, coffee doesn't taste good, and it also doesn't sit well with my body (it gives my stomach a really uncomfortable feeling). And yet still, for such a long time, I couldn't give it up. What helped me to really shift this attachment was the realization that what I liked about drinking coffee was what my mind said about it. My mind was very convincing in getting me to believe that somehow my morning experience would be better (almost magical!) if I could sit with a cup of coffee. It took time for me to see through the illusion of this belief and to let go of my habit of coffee drinking. I still drink coffee on special occasions, but usually just a sip or two and no longer do I feel the attachment to it. But it was such an interesting realization, that it wasn't the coffee I ever enjoyed but the story behind it.

Thank you again for sharing this update. I look forward to hearing more!

Gillian, I am always delightful when I see your comment because I feel it was written with love and compassion ^_^. Thank you for also sharing with me ♥

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