Jump to content

Recommended Posts

That is a tough one. I am not a couch or chair potato in my case but have a hard time getting things done. I am sure it is fear of failure as my parents treated me like I could do nothing  and it took me so long to realize it that it became an even greater hurdle. I bought the wrong house on the wrong road and possibly in the wrong place and it is hard to get past that. It needs work I did not notice because I was so stressed about moving and instead of being mindful, which i was clearly not at that time and had not even started, I forgot all my goals.  I have gotten things done but not nearly enough to make myself feel better and think of moving. I count the things I get done every day and some days are OK and some not. Being a procrastinator does not help. Clearly I am a mess and my own worst enemy and would like to stop my unhelpful habits. I do better than I used to though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, Faune said:

That is a tough one. I am not a couch or chair potato in my case but have a hard time getting things done. I am sure it is fear of failure as my parents treated me like I could do nothing  and it took me so long to realize it that it became an even greater hurdle. I bought the wrong house on the wrong road and possibly in the wrong place and it is hard to get past that. It needs work I did not notice because I was so stressed about moving and instead of being mindful, which i was clearly not at that time and had not even started, I forgot all my goals.  I have gotten things done but not nearly enough to make myself feel better and think of moving. I count the things I get done every day and some days are OK and some not. Being a procrastinator does not help. Clearly I am a mess and my own worst enemy and would like to stop my unhelpful habits. I do better than I used to though.

Hello Faune, girl, you need to be more compassionate toward yourself! At least accept my compassion. I hear you. And know that there are many reasons for procrastination. First of all, in this stressful and unprecedented time, many people are struggling with extra stress, depression, and other barriers to normal functioning. Also, like you said, if you were raised with parents who were critical, you may have developed perfectionist tendencies, which may mean that rather than doing something that may turn out imperfect, you'd rather not even start (of course, this is subconscious.) And in terms of having a better house, consider all the people who can't even afford to have a house- be proud of yourself! One thing I do when I'm down on myself for not cleaning for a long time is consider what's really important. Is it important that I vacuum every this many days (weeks) or is it important that I enjoy my time reading? I find that what's important to me is spending my time reading. Life is short! I know you probably want to improve your house, but try practicing radical acceptance and focus on the things you like rather than what you want to change. Another trick I use: I make a to-do list and include things I've already done so I can cross them off, such as make my bed, brush my teeth, get dressed. It just looks so much better to have a list that has things crossed off! Here for you💛

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Faune! I agree with all of Jo's comments. I really think that now more than ever we need to be extra gentle with ourselves. I feel strongly that even if we are not as individuals affected in obvious, concrete ways by what's happening in the world right now, we are all picking up the energy of this collective shift. Explore if it is possible to just give yourself permission to feel and be exactly as you are right now - no strings attached.

You are enough just as you are - full stop. Your worth is not defined by how much you 'get done'. I know that these words are said so often and yet embodying them is a completely different story (we might rationally know something but our conditioning makes us believe something different), but it is important to remind ourselves of our unconditional worth. Again and again until they become our truth.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. It is a crazy world out there and I do a lot of online action mostly for animals and the planet. I would just like to get things done and I am my own worst critic. I am not a fan of our species but I am kind to others. I just need to keep trying, don't I? At 68 it takes a bit longer. Thank you for your kind words and support.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell me about it! It took me years to realize how they saw me. I am not a perfectionist-you should see my house. I am what I call domestically  challenged. It is not awful but not great. I hear what you say about others having so little and I am always aware of the fact that what I have is so much more than many. I do not forget that ever. It is just the big picture of my life that is hard but you are right I need to practice acceptance more and  make my bed every day not just for neatness but there is something about getting that done that seems positive. I spend the first hours after breakfast doing online activist stuff and that is never fun.Such a list as you have is very easy to accomplish. I am good at those things.I am trying and I thank you for your encouragement. Good luck getting through that list! Reading is a wonderful thing which I do at breakfast, dinner, and at bedtime. it really is the smaller things that are important. 

I am grateful although i may not sound like it and I will have to try thinking of 3 things every day. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/1/2020 at 6:24 PM, Faune said:

Tell me about it! It took me years to realize how they saw me. I am not a perfectionist-you should see my house. I am what I call domestically  challenged. It is not awful but not great. I hear what you say about others having so little and I am always aware of the fact that what I have is so much more than many. I do not forget that ever. It is just the big picture of my life that is hard but you are right I need to practice acceptance more and  make my bed every day not just for neatness but there is something about getting that done that seems positive. I spend the first hours after breakfast doing online activist stuff and that is never fun.Such a list as you have is very easy to accomplish. I am good at those things.I am trying and I thank you for your encouragement. Good luck getting through that list! Reading is a wonderful thing which I do at breakfast, dinner, and at bedtime. it really is the smaller things that are important. 

I am grateful although i may not sound like it and I will have to try thinking of 3 things every day. 

Remember what's really important- I, too, spend a few hours doing activist stuff each morning on my computer, and as far as I'm concerned, that's much more meaningful than cleaning my house!! If you want to start making lists, make sure you include that on your list, as well as making your bed, getting dressed, and other things that you are going to accomplish- I swear it makes a difference! And, the things that don't get done simply go on the next day's list. I don't know that I've ever actually crossed off everything on a list. I figure that's not the point😛 And reading, and for me meditation and yoga (even if just a few downward dogs) are essential daily practices. Do what makes you feel good, not what you "should" do. Or maybe try it for a week and see how you feel. Challenge the negative talk in your head and ask yourself what's really important in life. It's the moments that count. That's really all we have. 🙂 I used to work with people with eating disorders, and struggled myself with anorexia, and to be honest spent most of the day obsessing about calories and my weight. I learned to ask myself: what do I want it to say on my gravestone- "she weight x amount of pounds" or "she was loved by many and experienced so many wonderful moments." Talk about a reality check!! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My lists are so i will remember to do the things I needed want to get done. I really do not obsess about them but they are useful. As for the house part of getting things done is because it would feel good for me but also because i do not plan on staying in it and so need to fix it up and and get rid of things. I do have the bad habit of making apologies when people come in which is rare. I know-not useful! I used to be a better cleaner and when my daughter was born it got worse but I realized that she would not be a baby forever and the stuff I needed to do would not leave and would be there so I gave up. The fact that I bought the wrong house and where it is are what get me going though and stress me out-that will change but it will not be so easy in some ways as last time and there is a lot of mental mishegas (Yiddish for craziness) but I am doing a lot better than I was so that is good. What would we all put on our tombstones if we were making them up? No tombstone for me though-green burial. That must have been very hard to deal with anorexia. Eating is such a basic need yet it gets so distorted. I am happy you are doing better and I agree that your latter grave saying is the better of the two and bravo for also being an activist speaking of which I have petitions to sign. Thank you for your words. i just blame the mess and lack of cleaning on the dog and cats-I try to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love that you blame the mess on the pets- makes total sense! And I get the mental mishegas...deal with them all the time. Yes, anorexia is quite a battle. I was first hospitalized when I was 12 years old-I didn't even know what anorexia was, I had just developed a phobia of eating. I think I was just trying to demonstrate that there was something very unhappy in my family that nobody was talking about. Recovery sort of waxed and waned over the years until a major relapse in 2010. That was when I first did yoga- in treatment- and I found that I could actually inhabit my body (I had always lived from the neck up) and feel strong, instead of loathing my body. As soon as I got out of treatment I went to yoga teacher training, which further changed my life and strengthened my recovery. And I won't have a real tombstone either- I'm all about green burial, but I think it's a useful exercise. I appreciate your response. Have a wonderful day!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just saw the end of your last statement. It does sound like yoga helped you save yourself. 

I have already told my daughter I want either a conservation burial or to be a tree and she and decide what kind and where I would be planted. I love saying that last part actually.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually I have what I have for years called the housekeepers from hell. They followed me from Boston to Vermont. They are invisible and come in when I am sleeping or out and toss dirt around the house and make a mess. How can you fire those who can not be seen? I do blame the dog and cats for other things though.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/5/2020 at 9:10 AM, Faune said:

I just saw the end of your last statement. It does sound like yoga helped you save yourself. 

I have already told my daughter I want either a conservation burial or to be a tree and she and decide what kind and where I would be planted. I love saying that last part actually.

Yes, I believe it did. That, and a lot of really loving and supportive people. And my higher power, who is some form of Buddha and maybe my mom's mother who died at 55 and whom I never got to meet, yet she shows up once in awhile when I'm meditating. I think she's my guardian angel. 

I love that idea- I want to be a tree too. I have a tree meditation that I do, which involves creating a tree in your mind. Usually I come up with a new one each time. I've gotta think about what kind of tree I want to be. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A tree meditation? I love that idea. I try to excuse myself and be grateful I am here now because I get frustrated at times with myself-I am very good at that. When I was 19 I learned to meditate and then shortly after met someone and had a relationship thus tossing the meditation by the wayside.  For years after I would say I wanted to do it again but did not or was not consistent. All those years wasted but I keep telling myself that I am here now. I would like to have been farther along because the more time that goes by the more crap one's head collects. There is a lot in there. Still here I am and I love your tree meditation.How do you do it?  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Inconsistency with meditation is par for the course as far as I'm concerned. I try not to judge myself for that, because judgement prevents growth no matter how much you meditate! I hear you though, and I know exactly what you mean about relationships getting in the way, and crap collecting in one's head.

The tree meditation that I do goes something like this: first I slow down my nervous system and kick in the parasympathetic nervous system by doing ratio breathing: inhaling for a count of 4 and exhaling for 4, then inhaling for 6 and exhaling for 6, finally inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 6 or 8 (whichever is more comfortable.) I try to imagine the breath as circular, noticing the pause at the top and bottom of the breath and trying to smooth it out (it won't be perfect, it's just about practice.) Then, when fully relaxed, I let the breathing pattern go and just notice. I start the visualization then: imagine the roots of the tree. Picture how deep they are, how far they extend, the color and richness of the soil, how the earth might feel and smell. Then, I move up to the trunk, and imagine how wide it is, the texture of the bark, the color; if there are holes in the trunk where there might be nests, maybe squirrels climbing up and down. I might picture myself hugging the tree or sitting with my back against the trunk. Next I move up to the branches, picturing the size and shape, the number and density- what it would sound like if one broke, what is the sound of the wind blowing through the branches. Maybe I picture climbing on them. Finally, the leaves. What color are they? How many? What might it sound like if they fell and I stepped on them. What is the shape  of the leaves and what do they feel like? Then I picture the whole tree from roots to trunk to branches to leaves and I remind myself that I am as grounded, mighty, and beautiful as this tree I have created. 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I mean inconsistency as in years in between and the times I did meditate were not long. It might have been easier if I had been involved with mindfulness but I didn't and again, here I am.

I love that meditation and I must try it. When it is warm and I sit on the porch in the very early morning I do not necessarily want a guided meditation voice because I would rather listen to the birds. I must try this-thank you for sharing it. I do love trees as I have said. This morning on my walk it was just windy enough.  When I hear the wind I feel the power of the trees and nature. So beautiful and freeing. I was just listening to a segment on the radio on breathing and things that those who practice meditation/mindfulness know about breathing. He talked about mouth breathing vs. nasal breathing, slow breathes in and slow and longer exhaling. It was an interesting show.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.