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You are most welcome. Hope you're having a good day. My parents (and theoretically my sister who is fresh out of detox) are coming over today so I have to get my house clean. I'm going to attempt to clean mindfully so it's not as much of a hassle. 

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I hope the visit went well and was not stressful or too stressful at least. I am not meditating as much as I should or remembering to do what I need to. Too much stress on my part. I watched some of the presentation on racism and it was very interesting. I am going to confess that when she compared a puppy being killed to a black personI turned it off. To me the life of a puppy or any animal is no less important and I get tired of hearing that is so. It would not be the first time I ended listening to something for that reason. I sill need/want to listen to the other things you sent. There is so much I could do here as I look to the right and remember all the information I receive but do not. I just finished signing a lot of petitions for the animals and planet and am feeling stressed. Good time to meditate even if it is a short one.

So how was your visit?

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On 6/14/2020 at 6:13 AM, Jo L said:

You are most welcome. Hope you're having a good day. My parents (and theoretically my sister who is fresh out of detox) are coming over today so I have to get my house clean. I'm going to attempt to clean mindfully so it's not as much of a hassle. 

how was the visit?

when i am mentally griping about washing dishes - since its a routinal thing done everyday - i remind myself that i am grateful to have hands to be able to clean ... and then its not such a hassle... lol ...

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Dishes are one task I do not mind. I would like to find a remedy for floors though. I sweep and mop and the next day  I need to start again. It has never been a chore I enjoy-there is so much floor space and I do not even have a very big house. I want a smaller one actually.  I can feel grateful I have floors to clean but I don't know know how that will go over with my striving to be mindful brain.

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Hello Faune, 

It is sad about elephants. Apparently their tusks are worth a lot of money in some parts- very sad! 

That is so interesting about the two side of your body being different temperatures! For my body, the right side is far more flexible. I'm kind of strange to because I write left handed but do absolutely everything else right handed, including eating, throwing, kicking, brushing teeth, brush hair, tennis- everything! So weird- the reason most people write right-handed is because the language center in the brain is in the left hemisphere, and the left hemisphere controls the right side of the body, so I'm all wonky. Nobody else in my family is left-handed except my maternal grandmother, who I never got to meet because she died so young. Interestingly, a disproportionate number of presidents were left-handed, (not Trump) including Obama, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Ford, Truman, Hoover, Garfield. I find that interesting! Back in the day, if a child started out left-handed they would get their left-hand tied or slapped until they converted to right-handed because it was considered 'wrong' - hell, I like being different!

Religion is something- so interesting to me. I lean toward Buddhism- recently discovered secular Buddhism, which really appeals. I have this belief that energy never dies, so I think that when we die we go back to being stardust. 

Yes, my husband and I have a lot of mutual respect, and I am lucky to have found him. He was so opposite of who I thought I was looking for. My boyfriend before him was tall, black, liberal, casual, (looked like Will Smith, I mean, come on!) And my husband is barely taller than me, red hair, Catholic, conservative (much more liberal now- he had never questioned his parents beliefs) had never had a sip of alcohol (control freak) and was looking for a good Catholic virgin who had never partied. So, the first time I went to his condo, I saw bibles and swords everywhere (he's into medieval swords and I am absolutely anti-violence.) I was like, "o-kay" but somehow knew there was a lot more to him. He asked if I'd like a drink and I'm thinking 'yes please, I need to calm my nerves' so he says, "would you like milk or coke?" And I'm thinking, "are you shitting me?" Not even diet coke. FOR REAL? Then we got into his car to go to dinner (he had spent hours washing and polishing his red car and I didn't even notice what the car was) but I did notice the music playing, a beautiful celtic song that was so gentle and touching, I cry every time I hear it. And I knew that he had selected that song to be playing. I thought, this is a special man. 

Yes, the book club was fun. No one ever asked, I never told. Most of the books we read were about alcoholism, so it worked for me because I understood. When it was my turn to pick a book I chose "yoga bitch" or something like that. Why not? Most people liked it. 

Yes, I really hope Weenie was ok (that was what we named him.) Tia, our next dog, was so much fun. Loved the outdoors and especially the snow. She was wicked smart. She never liked the guys we brought home who turned out to be not so great. We should have paid attention to her warnings. 

Would love to talk about what happened- maybe not here...

Have a lovely day! I'm listening to Sharon Salzberg give a talk today.

talk soon

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Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, yogawithpriyanka said:

how was the visit?

when i am mentally griping about washing dishes - since its a routinal thing done everyday - i remind myself that i am grateful to have hands to be able to clean ... and then its not such a hassle... lol ...

 

48 minutes ago, yogawithpriyanka said:

how was the visit?

when i am mentally griping about washing dishes - since its a routinal thing done everyday - i remind myself that i am grateful to have hands to be able to clean ... and then its not such a hassle... lol ...

Thanks for asking...Well, first of all my mom called about an hour before they were to come over and said, "how about you come here, I have so much good food..." which I knew was her covering up for the fact that my sister didn't want to or wasn't up to leaving their house. I went along with it (even though I was frustrated because the house looked so nice) so we went to my parents. I was anxious all the way there- wondering what condition my sister, and my dad, would be in. Surprisingly, it went pretty well. My sister was present, and only broke down a few times. I ended up being really honest with her and telling her that I realized my anger toward her was actually about fear and hurt. Fear because I'm afraid she's going to die, and hurt because she hasn't been a part of my life. Then I said, when I consider that, I realize how much I really love her and miss her, and I feel only compassion and not anger. We both got teary and hugged. She apologized and I told her to not focus on the past or even the future, and that I was just grateful that she could be there with me in that moment. My dad was also in a pretty good place, I could tell he had been sober for at least a few days. He did have a splinter on his middle finger, which he broke from taking a tumble when he was drunk a week ago. Sad. The next day I called my dad to say how happy I was about the visit. He said, "you'll never believe what happened right after you left." I braced myself. "Your sister left for a walk and we got a call from her a few hours later; she could barely talk." They picked her up and she had booze on her and would not give it up, and since my parents won't let her drink at their house, they brought her to her apartment and dropped her off. So painful, but I try to focus on the fact that I had time with her, when I hadn't seen her for over 6 months. I don't know when I'll see her again. 

Edited by Jo L
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On 6/12/2020 at 6:35 PM, Jo L said:

I AM SO SORRY! somehow I posted this repeatedly and it combined links, I tried to delete or cancel, and it didn't work. I promise I'm not trying to make you listen to this by posting repeatedly!😜

Haha no worries! I deleted a couple of the repeats (still a few doubles in there, but that's totally fine).

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Hey Jo,

When I was reading your post about your interaction with your sister, I could really feel how beautiful that moment must have been. Challenging, too, and perhaps painful in some way, but it is lovely when we can really bare our hearts with those we love.

I am sorry to hear about what happened after words. That sounds painful and heartbreaking. I think it is wonderful that you are able to feel gratitude for the time you had together ❤️ Sending much love!

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That is very hard for all of you. You want so much for her to be better and all you can do in the end is take care of yourself and as Gillian said appreciate that the bit of time that you got to be together in a good way.  I can feel the tension of your visit and I am happy to hear she was present then as well as sad that she had such a big fall afterward. It must be so hard for her and all of your family.  I hope you are taking some time to be kind to yourself. 

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11 minutes ago, Gillian Sanger said:

Hey Jo,

When I was reading your post about your interaction with your sister, I could really feel how beautiful that moment must have been. Challenging, too, and perhaps painful in some way, but it is lovely when we can really bare our hearts with those we love.

I am sorry to hear about what happened after words. That sounds painful and heartbreaking. I think it is wonderful that you are able to feel gratitude for the time you had together ❤️ Sending much love!

Thanks Gillian, I really appreciate your kindness. Yes, it was challenging to say those words to her, but I realize that with the little time I do get to see her, I have to be as real and honest as I can be. I used to sort of walk on tippy toes around her and be fake-happy so as not to trigger her, but I feel so much better (and I think she does too) when I express my true feelings.  What happened after broke my heart, but I work really hard on not having expectations. Unfortunately every time I see her doing ok, there is that false hope that things are going to work out. My dad is an alcoholic and I grew up hoping and hoping that he would stop drinking and then promises were broken all the time. You would think I would learn, but that little girl hope never goes away. I have to laugh sometimes, because even picking out a father's day card can be a huge ordeal, and I'll ask myself, "what is this about?" And it seems that part of me believes that if I get him just the right card it might be inspiration enough for him to quit drinking. Magical thinking. So hard to let go of. I've done some work in codependency and that has really helped. Thanks again🙂

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I feel I want to say something to make things better for you but of course there is nothing I think.

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2 minutes ago, Faune said:

That is very hard for all of you. You want so much for her to be better and all you can do in the end is take care of yourself and as Gillian said appreciate that the bit of time that you got to be together in a good way.  I can feel the tension of your visit and I am happy to hear she was present then as well as sad that she had such a big fall afterward. It must be so hard for her and all of your family.  I hope you are taking some time to be kind to yourself. 

Thank you my dear. It helped to write so I did that, and I allowed myself to cry. It is painful. I told myself I should be used to this, but every time it hurts the same.

2 minutes ago, Faune said:

I feel I want to say something to make things better for you but of course there is nothing I think.

Your saying that makes things better❤️

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Hi @Jo L,

It makes sense that the hope never seems to go away. Even when we are mindful and accepting of the reality of a situation, we can still have a yearning for things to be different, which arises our of a place of deep care and compassion. I think that is totally okay, so long as (as you've explained you've done) we are able to support ourselves through addressing our own struggle with the situation ❤️ 

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Elephants and rhino horns are just two of the animals who suffer in so many ways. It would take a long time to go through this topic.There have been confiscations of thousanouds of tusks in one haul.

I am right handed but I too do not do everything with that hand although mostly. I know about the slapping and degradation of those who were left handed. My brother is left handed as well. He is a nice person but leans to the right so I am glad he did not want to be President. I did not know that about them though. Don't get me started in Trump.

I will say I am not a fan of religion and while Buddhism is a bit above the cut I have read of too many temples keeping elephants in captivity and abusing them. They are a peaceful religion otherwise. 

That is funny about the differences between your boyfriend and you husband. Very different indeed. As for the swords that would not be a sign for me. Rachel grew up being interested in history, has a couple of short swords herself and for her 18th birthday wanted to go to an armory. She is such a peaceful person and has been demonstrating with others in NYC against racism. She is also vegan and so sometimes, as you found it, those things are just interests. 

Huskies are very smart dogs and do love the snow. They should be kept out of hot weather regions in my opinion. It is late and I must strive to get something done. I sit far too long in the morning signing petitions.

I do just want to say I can completely understand how you would get that hope every time you see your sister. You really want her to get better even though you know somewhere that her good times may only be temporary. You just want her to be happy and healthy and in your life.

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1 hour ago, Jo L said:

 

Thanks for asking...Well, first of all my mom called about an hour before they were to come over and said, "how about you come here, I have so much good food..." which I knew was her covering up for the fact that my sister didn't want to or wasn't up to leaving their house. I went along with it (even though I was frustrated because the house looked so nice) so we went to my parents. I was anxious all the way there- wondering what condition my sister, and my dad, would be in. Surprisingly, it went pretty well. My sister was present, and only broke down a few times. I ended up being really honest with her and telling her that I realized my anger toward her was actually about fear and hurt. Fear because I'm afraid she's going to die, and hurt because she hasn't been a part of my life. Then I said, when I consider that, I realize how much I really love her and miss her, and I feel only compassion and not anger. We both got teary and hugged. She apologized and I told her to not focus on the past or event the future, and that I was just grateful that she could be there with me in that moment. My dad was also in a pretty good place, I could tell he had been sober for at least a few days. He did have a splinter on his middle finger, which he broke from taking a tumble when he was drunk a week ago. Sad. The next day I called my dad to say how happy I was about the visit. He said, "you'll never believe what happened right after you left." I braced myself. "Your sister left for a walk and we got a call from her a few hours later; she could barely talk." They picked her up and she had booze on her and would not give it up, and since my parents won't let her drink at their house, they brought her to her apartment and dropped her off. So painful, but I try to focus on the fact that I had time with her, when I hadn't seen her for over 6 months. I don't know when I'll see her again. 

awesome that the visit when off well. so sorry about the post visit drinking...

as for sweeping and mopping a big house - takes time but it feels so good - but why everyday? does it get really messy?

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