Jump to content
Gillian Sanger

Forgiveness and understanding of our parents

Recommended Posts

I'm starting to see my parents in a new light - beginning to understand them in a new way and find greater empathy for their own lived experiences. I think this has come down to 1) growing up, and 2) having some difficult conversations that, in the end, ultimately strengthened my relationship to each of them.

Does anyone else have experience with their understanding of their parents shifting over time?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for your beautiful post!

I struggle with this a great deal. I at this time only have my mother with me on earth.  I have recently lost my grandmother, whom I always related more to as a motherly figure in my life. The way you stated you see them now through the lense of their own life experiences was really freeing to me. I think the reason my mother and I have a limited relationship is a fostering of expectations that were never met. When I think of her through the lense of the life she has experienced I am able to have much greater empathy for her. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Sarah - I resonate with this a lot. It really reflects the paradox of life, or the ability to see things through seemingly contradictory lenses. I've started to consider paradoxes a lot lately, and am practicing holding two sides of something at the same time. For instance, can it both be true and valid that 1) something wasn't met during childhood, and 2) there is space for acceptance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Gillian Sanger@Sarah Yes, I resonate with this very much.  Our parents did not have it very easy.  Mine tried to move around and my dad ran his families business.  We never had any money.   My mom always wondered where it went.  Dad's brother helping with the family business was taking all the money.  But my folks did not see it until the brothers wife; she was in a wreck and the IRS came for him.  Not having anything to start with.  Nothing at the time and losing the business really took a toll on my dad.  

He was in the Vietnam War and came back a bitter angry man.  He could not get help from the Vets Assoc. until we were already grown.  It made a very big impact on their lives.  At my dad's death bed he talked of his guys in the troops.  Mom having us 5 kids and wanting to give us everything.  They did not go out for anything.  I remember a Rootbeer float once in awhile.  

They would have tears in their eyes and apologize in later years that we grew up like we did.  As if they could have changed it.  No they could not.  Early on I expressed that they did what they knew to do.  My eldest sister didn't see it that way.  She had a whole different take on the growing up.     Sorry I get windy writing.  I do love to write.  Yes we must FORGIVE them for acting childish ourselves thinking we deserved better.  I didn't deserve better.  There was worse going on.     Counting my blessings.  Nameste

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


Announcements

  • This community is designed to be a welcoming space to enhance mindfulness inquiry and exploration. In this spirit, please share and respond mindfully and compassionately, cultivating continued respect, safety, and support for all.
  • Recent Posts

    • yes thank you for your wishes - i am creating a slideshow video of her for my husband - and here is a picture of chotu, my kitten from india and beasley (beagle) cuddling together - a very rare moment as they have only known each other for 10 months - any ways i am just grateful this forum exists...here's a picture of luna - our blind husky also. Thank you for checking out the meditation - could you share the moola mantra link? - i have one by deva premal  , but not sure its the same one  🙂
    • Tell me about it! It took me years to realize how they saw me. I am not a perfectionist-you should see my house. I am what I call domestically  challenged. It is not awful but not great. I hear what you say about others having so little and I am always aware of the fact that what I have is so much more than many. I do not forget that ever. It is just the big picture of my life that is hard but you are right I need to practice acceptance more and  make my bed every day not just for neatness but there is something about getting that done that seems positive. I spend the first hours after breakfast doing online activist stuff and that is never fun.Such a list as you have is very easy to accomplish. I am good at those things.I am trying and I thank you for your encouragement. Good luck getting through that list! Reading is a wonderful thing which I do at breakfast, dinner, and at bedtime. it really is the smaller things that are important.  I am grateful although i may not sound like it and I will have to try thinking of 3 things every day. 
    • I am sorry to hear about Beasley. It is hard to see them suffer and I love the idea of the forest baths. My Henry loved the woods. I like listening to the Moolah mantra if you know that one and find myself singing/chanting as I walk sometimes. You love trees as I do and I am guessing you live somewhere beautiful. We are lucky. We do what we can for our animals and the answer is never clear. I made a decision and no matter what choice I made i would have questioned it. Beasley is loved and will go peacefully-if only all animals could do that. It will be hard for you and particularly your husband maybe. I understand. Thank you for the meditation. I did it and will save it. She has a peaceful manner. I will try to look up the playlist as well.    
    • such amazing shares from everyone here - i happened to listen to tara brach's rewiring for happiness part 1 - and i loved her suggestion to write or email 3 things we are grateful for, for the next 15 days - then when she asks us to whisper all the things we are grateful for, till she rings a bell, my last sentence was - i am grateful for being able to be grateful... 💚🙏🏼  
    • One of our dogs (actually my husband's dog, but i love her very much too) was diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few ago, and we started doing forestbaths which is to take the dogs into the forest everyday and its been so healing for us and a way for us to spend time with her and it invigorates here - which i imagine gives her a "new" lease on life...and we have been playing snatam 's kaurplaylist to honor the departed which is just beautiful and deva premal & mittal, and the dogs and my kitten (i brought hi from india)  seem to enjoy it...My husband is an arborist and so we love to spend as much time in the forest as we can. I also recorded a 5 minute meditation for my husband - as Beasley is his dog and i know that he will need many calming moments as Beasley begins to decline. so far we are giving her accupuncture treatments which seem to be helping and just wish we had the money and time for a heart surgery... and would love to share it with you guys since there is some much strife in the world at the moment, in addition to lockdowns, and quarantines...  
  • Recent Topics

  • Popular Contributors

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.