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Gillian Sanger

What does the word 'boundaries' mean to you?

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This week's question asks:

What does the word 'boundaries' mean to you?

 

There's a lot of talk about boundaries, but what does the word really mean? And, how do you determine and uphold your boundaries? How can boundaries be both courageous/confident and compassionate?

 

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Boundaries can be difficult.  Learning to uphold my own was very hard to learn.  I always gave, helped, shared and never new about them.  After a few things happened that were not planned, then it became much more apparent.  Growing up our parents help us determine how close people come to us and sometimes what we communicate about and see.  

Keeping it short.  I teach now that a boundary helps us know what we can expect to control.  Without being overwhelmed by "everything".  It is much easier to understand a smaller space and not the whole world.  I teach to concentrate on how wide our arms reach.  If we can control what is within this boundary, our self in the middle, then try to go outside this boundary.  

For me being empathic I have to stay home to set boundaries.  People have a tendency to come to me and discuss their life issues and want help, find a path to resolution.  Or I feel obligated to help them so I set the boundary.  It is very painful if I do not and want to help the world.  I am trying to control and help myself first.   I do not expect people I do not know to be within my arms length.  Only close loved ones, dear friends.  People I know.     

Other boundaries are health, politics and religion.  I limit all these things and rarely bring them up.  I usually don't have to because there are always those who feel the need to.  I feel these are personal items.  I have my opinion on it, but rather than get tangled up and stressed out it is not worth wasting my energy.  AND joining all the organizations that help the planet, animals, and other needy causes.  I understand that they have to be done, but other people are much better able to than I am.  I have no problem admitting that.  Due to my live and events it does not work.  I want to but, no.   I still battle this control of within my arms.  This creates a responsibility.  Sometimes I lack in this area.  

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To put it simply as I can, for me it means knowing where my red lines are. What is it that I can offer and what I need to get in return. Knowing who or what is important.

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On 2/17/2020 at 8:14 PM, Paige PIlege said:

Boundaries can be difficult.  Learning to uphold my own was very hard to learn.  I always gave, helped, shared and never new about them.  After a few things happened that were not planned, then it became much more apparent.  Growing up our parents help us determine how close people come to us and sometimes what we communicate about and see. 

Boundaries are indeed difficult... and often very hard to really grasp as what we know to be 'normal' or 'standard' is largely informed by early conditioning. It takes time to figure out what works best for us... and to then be open to that shifting all the time.

 

On 3/20/2020 at 9:52 AM, Vladimir said:

To put it simply as I can, for me it means knowing where my red lines are. What is it that I can offer and what I need to get in return. Knowing who or what is important.

Absolutely! It's a balance between giving and receiving, finding balance in both regards.

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This is so right.  I can remember thinking how selfish the thought was to think I should get in return every time I give.  But after realizing how drained and mentally exhausted I would get always being chronically exhausted, I understood.  EQUAL is best.  

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