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Guest Cheryl

How do you see and uphold personal boundaries?

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 I don't like confrontation so generally avoid telling someone they've crossed a boundary. I'm more likely to withdraw and limit or avoid contact with that person.  That gives me space to gather my energy. 

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I take my personal boundaries very seriously.  I am an empath and learning from previous 40 years experience has given me the fortitude and persistence to adhere to them.  At one point I told this friend of my husb living with us he had to be out in 2 days, he continued smoking in our home, living there free.  Disrespecting my asthma doesn't cut it.  Before maybe 20 years ago I would of had someone else step in.  I have become very attached to my personal health and how I am treated.  Instead of the outward how others are treated when I was younger.   Boundaries are my most beneficial tool for health. 

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On 12/15/2019 at 10:54 PM, Cheryl said:

 I don't like confrontation so generally avoid telling someone they've crossed a boundary. I'm more likely to withdraw and limit or avoid contact with that person.  That gives me space to gather my energy. 

@Cheryl - Thank you for sharing! Yes, communicating boundaries can be incredibly difficult. Have you heard of Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication (sometimes called compassionate communication)? It's communication based on exploring our underlying needs in any moment. It's a really great tool and understanding to hold within!

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@Paige PIlege - Setting clear boundaries is so important - knowing what our limits are and what things are non-negotiable. It reminds me of Dr. Harriet Lerner... have you heard of her? She talks a lot about how communication, anger, boundaries, etc. I've learned so much from reading her work!

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I've had to learn, and in many respects are still learning how to say NO. People pleasing has become part of my DNA over the last three decades. And it has left me drained and disappointed. Learning to place your own mental and physical health central is hard. Sometimes it feels as if one is selfish, but I am now learning that its not selfishness but self preservation. Saying 'NO' without guilt is becoming possible, and saying 'YES' without regret a pleasure.

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Beautiful @Spaglua. I think many of us have learned that 'no' is bad/mean/unkind/etc. But in reality, the 'right' answer (if there is such a thing) is what comes from our hearts - whether that's a 'yes' or a 'no'.¬†ūü•į

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I understand you @SpagluaI would never want to hurt people's feelings.  Saying no.  I would go along with anything when I was younger.  I learned the hard way, hard knocks.  Either running my down.  Pretty much the same.  My energy is personal space now.  My perspective of selfishness has changed.  It is good to be selfish.  I learned that keeping something hurtful from people, having it hurting myself for too long is not good.  Plus the hurt still had to be out to the person.  All would have benefited by not keeping it from someone.  Learning lessons is difficult sometimes.  Understanding that being who I am today is because of going  through all the lessons is gratifying.  

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