Daniel A. Detwiler

I have mentioned in the past that I was a therapist for children and their parents. As such I kept abreast of the programming for children on television. Mr. Roger's neighborhood was one of those shows. I hope that other responders to Gillian's quote won't take offense if this former therapist says that when Mr. Rogers said " I like you just the way you are!" he spoke to the essence of the quote. He was saying that he loved, valued and affirmed the worth of every being in the context of all that made them up. Our task as adults is to do the same thing to and for ourselves. Continuing to unfurl the growth that keeps bursting forth if we permit it to do so. Daniel A. Detwiler

Hi Gillian, thank you for your kind response. It has been several days now since the conversation my neighbor and I had. We have talked every day. There is no rupture of this overall good and meaningful relationship. We really did just express and move on. I liked your comment about conversations while you worked on the farm in Costa Rica. There is something bigger than opinions in working with the earth and its' plants or flowers. That helps the speakers to keep perspective. My encounter is nothing like what I am going to mention next but it does involve the earth. It is said that the night Buddha spent under the Bodhi tree before his enlightenment he was tormented with doubts by the god Mara. Finally, Buddha drove his hand into the earth and told Mara that he swore by the earth itself that he had found the truth about existence. It is said when he swore by the earth itself, Mara realized he could not conquer Buddha with doubts and disappeared. Buddha was enlightened. A conversation with my good neighbor is not on this order. However, the earth itself and the soil and rocks that we can feel offer us something greater than we usually consider. Something larger and more profound. Daniel

I want to share an experience I had yesterday. My wife and I like and trust our single female neighbor. We do things like help each other with tasks, work our flower gardens which are adjoining and my wife has taken her for medical procedures. Yesterday, while she and I were both gardening a few feet apart we had a discussion of political ideas. She voted for Trump but did get vaccinated. Now, she is aghast of the unvaccinated saying "well Trump got vaccinated!". I just shared that in my own opinion, much of what he has said is not true. I went on to see that I am a true blue liberal and follow that way of thinking. She replied "to each his own". I agreed. A few minutes later she shared some negative thoughts about Latino immigrants. I calmly said "you don't sound very compassionate." She said "I call it as I see it." We both kept gardening. She asked me if the line of border stones she was putting in looked straight. I invited her further into my yard to get a better view (we don't have fences). She decided to redo her work a bit to make it straighter. I told her her work was turning out really well. She remarked that President Biden will be resigning soon because he is senile. She said she read that on the internet. I said to check her sources as I had not heard that and was pretty sure he would remain in office. We kept gardening. When I finished I wished her a good day and went to a side garden to weed and cut back flowers. She wished my wife a happy birthday. I told her I give my wife her greetings. This was the most honest exchange I have ever had with a person who has followed Trump in the past. We respect and like each other as neighbors. We never quit our joint task of gardening as we talked. She spoke her mind and I spoke mine. I was greatly relieved. She took it in stride and made her own points. For me in this longer relationship of neighbors and fellow gardeners this worked. Neither of us were angry but rather just truthful. This isn't a panacea. However, it was very real and being literally "grounded" in the earth while gardening which my neighbors and I all do, kept us very directly honest but did not hurt our relationship. For me, for us, this worked. Daniel

I want to share an experience I had yesterday. My wife and I like and trust our single female neighbor. We do things like help each other with tasks, work our flower gardens which are adjoining and my wife has taken her for medical procedures. Yesterday, while she and I were both gardening a few feet apart we had a discussion of political ideas. She voted for Trump but did get vaccinated. Now, she is aghast of the unvaccinated saying "well Trump got vaccinated!". I just shared that in my own opinion, much of what he has said is not true. I went on to see that I am a true blue liberal and follow that way of thinking. She replied "to each his own". I agreed. A few minutes later she shared some negative thoughts about Latino immigrants. I calmly said "you don't sound very compassionate." She said "I call it as I see it." We both kept gardening. She asked me if the line of border stones she was putting in looked straight. I invited her further into my yard to get a better view (we don't have fences). She decided to redo her work a bit to make it straighter. I told her her work was turning out really well. She remarked that President Biden will be resigning soon because he is senile. She said she read that on the internet. I said to check her sources as I had not heard that and was pretty sure he would remain in office. We kept gardening. When I finished I wished her a good day and went to a side garden to weed and cut back flowers. She wished my wife a happy birthday. I told her I give my wife her greetings. This was the most honest exchange I have ever had with a person who has followed Trump in the past. We respect and like each other as neighbors. We never quit our joint task of gardening as we talked. She spoke her mind and I spoke mine. I was greatly relieved. She took it in stride and made her own points. For me in this longer relationship of neighbors and fellow gardeners this worked. Neither of us were angry but rather just truthful. This isn't a panacea. However, it was very real and being literally "grounded" in the earth while gardening which my neighbors and I all do, kept us very directly honest but did not hurt our relationship. For me, for us, this worked. Daniel

I am most aware of energy. Science tells us “energy can neither be created or destroyed”. Over the past year the implications of that law of physics has deepened in my life. It means one thing obvious and yet outside of my consciousness until recently: energy is eternal! Another thing science has shown through lab experiments is that inside a void, previously thought to contain nothing, sub atomic particles appear and disappear in billionths of seconds. Energy is in that void and it creates. To me this means that energy underlies all of existence. I am fascinated by that thought. In my heart of hearts I believe that energy is consciousness . A consciousness that creates and never ceases. I find that thought very reassuring. In the midst of all sorts of conditions all beings encounter timeless energy is always present and I suspect, somehow aware. Daniel A. Detwiler

Wow! No wonder that her book affects you so much; that quote is beautiful. I especially like "the fiery light that sees and knows". Richard Mendius in a beautiful CD along with Rick Hanson does a prolonged meditation on "the one who knows". Both your quote and Richard tip towards the mystery of "the one". To me, it suggests consciousness itself. Near death reports are full of descriptions of a magnificent light that is creative and totally loving. For me, those are characteristics of ultimate consciousness in itself. The consciousness of which we are all a part. Filling your life with friends, lovers, partners who nurture that awareness in themselves and in you is not easy for me. I have had the experience of two such people in my life. As we are aging, I realize that they won't always be with me nor I with them. However, our impact will remain as long as we draw breath and perhaps even more so after life. Daniel A. Detwiler

Hi Vladimir, I read your self reflection and listened to your audio. You have a good voice, caring, strong and clear. Your message is excellent. Thank you for sharing. Daniel

My favorite technique is one I learned from David on this forum. If I fall into self criticism, I catch myself, thank myself for recognizing that and return to the present. I use TNH's statements to center myself: "breathing in, I am aware of breathing in, breathing out I am aware of breathing out". Then, I tell myself some positive affirmations and move on. For me, this works. I know I will likely be challenged again but I will use these techniques and they will help me again. Daniel

Hello Forum Members, the words that inspired me most are not in reference to mindfulness; they are about children. They are from the book "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran, the section called "On Children". The entire piece is brief but my favorite words of his follow.. "Your Children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life';s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you they belong not to you." To me, it reminds all parents that children are born to them but also to the world. The role of the parent is to love, guide and care for them so they can release their special talents to the world. Daniel

Hi Gillian, I think I have learned these things from mindfulness: pause, breath, identify what I think and feel and then, wait. The more I do all of those things the better my response is to others. Sometimes, waiting lets an issue be resolved by the other person. Having enough time to hear themselves without immediate challenge gives others time to think about what they might have said, done or proposed. At times, the other person grasps that they can resolve the issue themselves. Waiting also gives me a chance to think about what I still need to understand and how I feel about an issue more clearly. I can inquire more peaceably and let my partner in communication hear my attitude of valuing them and myself. I am not a perfect person so I don't always do these things. However, being mindful grows and I do these positive things more of the time with a generally good result. Daniel

This was really helpful, Gillian. Mindfulness regulates attention moment by moment. Compassion gives a caring connection to others and to the self. For the self it involves learning from the ways others have regulated our emotions up until this time. Then, we can find a way to do emotional regulating for ourselves. It also teaches us to ask the question of or about others "what do you need right now?" When we have information we can decide what we might do for another that is helpful and caring. He is a clear communicator and I like these ideas. Daniel

Well Rachel, your blog was so beautiful, authentic and powerful it has left me without more words! For me, you shared truth in ways I have never put together like this. All I can say is please keep being who you are and please keep sharing that with us. Daniel

Gillian, I liked your observation about contentment. At some times in my own life, contentment follows the elation of a happy experience. As I recall it, savor it and integrate it, contentment arises.

Your description of happiness really rang true Rachel. I especially loved hearing your enjoyment of your daughter dancing. Beautiful! I have a granddaughter who dances and I share your sentiment. I am very happy when I laugh. My wife and I had our two grandchildren for a weekend recently and we played a hysterical board game in which each player choses a totally inappropriate response to a life situation described on a card. We all laughed until we cried. It was fun to share a slight "breaking of the rules of social interaction" with them in a safe situation. Because none of us would EVER say these things it was delicious to hear them come out of our mouths. My body shook with the joy and fun of it all. Those moments of pure fun made us all really happy. It was bodily, mentally and emotionally releasing. Also a moment of acceptance. We loved it. Daniel

I appreciate your responses Gillian and Rachel. I am continuing to feel relief from the burden of anger. To let it go as both of you have described does something very good for the one who lets it go. Having some understanding that the other was/is wounded is easier with time as my own wounds from those negative encounters yield to healing. Compassion and acceptance are the beautiful qualities that you mention that allow us to move on. It feels enhancing to respond with them rather than anger and hurt. Thanks again.