Daniel A. Detwiler

Your reflection is absolutely beautiful, Gillian. This exercise helps to stay in the “now”. It led me and it seems, you,to a mini meditation from light to love. I am going to let this happen often. Thank you. Daniel

At this moment,The Sun is blazing over my flier Haden which I see through the three windows in my kitchen where I sit. The inside light is muted by the overhang of the roof. Shiite, I see clearly.

At this moment,The Sun is blazing over my my garden which I see through the three windows in my kitchen where I sit. The inside light is muted by the overhang of the roof. Still, I see clearly. I recall the effort of digging each hole for the seventeen new plants. I tended them with care adding new soil, potting soil and older soil to plant them well. I watered them and I see they are thriving. I feel grateful that they are. My wife loves the plants and flowers. She compliments me on my work and the good outcome. I thrive in response. A bit farther away from me in the kitchen, I see a small ceramic rendering of a Quail sitting on an indoor plant stand, next to an African Violet I have had for 32 years. The Quail’s body was painted black while on top of that the artist covered it with white spheres of various sizes. Somehow the result is that the quail seems covered in feathers! Tseme, the artist, living in Toas pueblo, where we met her, made us an offer. If we sent her a picture of the Quail in our home, she would say a prayer for us. We sent her the picture. Every time I look at the Quail I feel gratitude and I feel her prayer. Daniel

Hi Gillian, I love this quote from the Adveita Vedanta Swami Sarva pri anananda “beyond intellect, beyond mind, beyond silence, beyond stillness, beyond Om, there is pure consciousness”. I believe it is to be found in the act of meditation with complete openness. If we can relax into the Now, the rest will happen. Daniel

I appreciate that I am keeping my New Years resolutions. I resolved to be more loving in interaction with others. Doing that has improved my family relationship. It brings more love and adds laughter to my good relationship with my wife. We are closer. I am keeping my other resolution to return to daily walking and eating healthily. For me, mindful eating continues to be a work in progress. I am quite mindful as I prepare foods, however. I am thankful that my body continues to be strong. I had breakthrough Covid despite being fully vaccinated. Thankfully it only presented as a cough and the sniffles and resolved quickly. I am thankful for good health care which helped me avoid serious illness. I appreciate my daughter, son-in-law, grandson and granddaughter. We live two miles from them and see them often. They drench us in love which makes me extra appreciative to be alive. Finally I appreciate my dog, Max who is sleeping next to me as I write this. He will be 14 years old in March. I love petting his beautiful coat and having his warm companionship. Doing this exercise has reminded me of how much I appreciate life. Daniel

I am glad you mentioned that caring acts aren’t always balanced. One person being Ill or having a busier schedule can change who does more of what. With caring regard and good communication things can work out. Showing each other appreciation helps us tremendously. I also want to say that I hope you are both well! Daniel

I have noticed over the holidays that one way I try to show love is to do chores without being asked. My wife cooks dinner and I do all the pots and pans, rinse the dishes , load and unload the dishwasher. I do the laundry and fold and put it all away. I always get a thank you which feels good. However, I like doing this chores myself. It feels quite fair. Our lives flow more easily because there is no “issue”. And on the rare days I am tired Of one of my tasks, I can let my wife know and she graciously goes ahead with the chore herself. I think this is one part of living a loving life which is my goal for this year. I have done the dishes already today and my wife cooked us lunch. It is such a simple arrangement but it works. And, I thank her for every meal she cooks. Daniel

My goal for 2022 is to express kindness to everyone. In my own family, I intend to kiss and hug my family members more. Those are my ways of bringing goodness to the world and my own family.

Hi Gillian, I am really glad to know you also have dogs! They do teach and call humans beyond themselves. The true meaning of relationship is deepened by caring for a dog. There warmth, physical and emotional, their love and faithfulness are inspiring, I will search out the Dog Songs book. Thanks for letting me know about it. Daniel

Thank you, Gillian for including those links to Mary Oliver's poems. I loved them. I have read a number of her poems but not those two. I also know that one of her dog's, her first one, I think, was a Bichon Frise. Over the last 34 years my wife, daughter, and I have had three of them. One a full Bichon, the second a Bichon/Maltese mix and the third a Bichon/Poodle mix. They are among the sweetest dogs on earth. No wonder she loved her dogs so much. Ours were all rescues and two of them put us through our paces as they recovered from a nonoptimal beginnings. They all blossomed with us. Our last one, Max, will be fourteen on the Ides of March. He and I are two older men aging together. He just cuddled closer as I am sitting on the bed typing this on my computer. All three have added such joy to our lives. I understand what her dogs meant to Maryl Oliver. Daniel

I just returned from a walk with my dog. The sky was pale blue. The Sun was shining. My dog's white coat shone in the brilliance of the light. My body was warm. The air was fresh. I felt total well being. I closed my eyes and stood there letting every second of that experience sink in and be celebrated. My dog stood just as still. I thought : this is being one with Now.. If it had been my last moment it would have been okay. Daniel A. Detwiler

Hi Gillian, Is there a way to send you a message that is private? I have a concern. Daniel A. Detwiler

Hi Judith, I read your message. I am very glad you felt relief at getting your thoughts out. I am glad you don’t think you will act on your ideation. I simply want to say that this relief you felt can lead to more relief if you would share more with someone you could talk to directly. I know that there are local and national hotlines to prevent suicide. You can call and talk to people who are well trained and caring who can help you. Perhaps talking by phone will allow you some privacy and still get you the assistance you want and need. There are counselors at local mental health centers who could help you as well. Personally I know that you can get the relief from depression and suicidal ideation that you are seeking. You could also consider talking to your doctor about how you are feeling. I hope any of these ideas are helpful to you. In my own experience in life, sharing how you feel with trained professionals has been really helpful. I hope you will do so. Daniel

Hi Gillian, I like the idea you describe of following our own inner compass regarding divisions. I agree that sometimes direct engagement is needed. Then, using what the author Robert Wright calls “cognitive empathy” is really required. That means asking yourself to try to understand the way of thinking about things that another person uses. If successful, it gives the listener a way to understand how that person forms their beliefs; a way to greater understanding. We will need compassion and patience and strength for this process as our own different thinking will likely arise and perhaps promote a desire to be defensive. If we can suffuse ourselves with love and show it in our own comments we might be able to share our own ideas. Not to “convert” anyone but to let others know we follow another path, our path, on these issues. It is my hope that this could possibly open their views to ours. Daniel

Hi Gillian, I read the article by Grossman and Choi and your comments about some of their findings. Overcoming the current divides is a difficult task as you and all the contributors to this thread acknowledge. I want to add that it is difficult to know how and when to try to bridge the divide and with whom. My wife and I live amidst a community of about 250 condominiums. Lots of us walk or walk with our dogs. I know from trusted neighbors that several other neighbors with whom I interact while walking are Fox News believers. Since they have never uttered a word about their beliefs to me I was shocked. They seem to be hardworking, responsible and friendly. Thus the two identities are not mutually exclusive. My response is to say the Loving Kindness prayer for them mentally after I walk away from an encounter. Plus I chat just a bit longer so as to show the good feelings I have about their basic worth. That is what I personally can do. I know that is not enough to overcome divisions but it is what is possible for me towards that end. Daniel