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Ali Zien

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Ali Zien last won the day on September 27

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  1. Gillian, your comments always makes me heart joyous! Thank you so much for your presence ♥ honestly, I share these topics periodically just to say hello to you ^_^
  2. This topic is improvised and not organized, I just wrote whatever came to my mind. P.S: Hey Gillian ^_^ ♥ I've came so far thanks to the prayers of my beloved ones and to the angel sent by God to guide me through this journey. Today I am celebrating my great milestone! I never imagined in my life I would come this far and if you have read my first topic you would know how miserable I was and I felt hopeless about any changes or to have the will to move past addiction and depression. for the past 50 days I had few flaws, some days I broke my diet and some days I experienced deep grief and sobbed the entire day in despair, I had also two days where I dipped down and relapsed back to addiction, but the only thing I was committed to was 20 min of meditation everyday and if I wasn't overwhelmed by tiredness and busy schedule I practiced yoga everyday. I feel like I've grown into something wiser and much more mature, I don't concern myself much now with wanting but with serving instead. Today I was reading chapter ten of the power of now, the meaning of surrender, and I did notice that during this journey I didn't let my ego have any expectations of what it should be like: " I must lose this amount of weight in 2 months" "I must make no mistakes at all" "I must wake up everyday at 4 am and be productive" "I must only eat healthy food" I started to practice "Non judgement" and "Self-compassion", just two days ago I was binge eating on pizza and cakes, but I didn't consider it as a "failure", just kept going and went with the flow of life instead of resisting. at one day I got really overwhelmed by grief and instead of telling myself "I must work today and do that or that" I just went back to bed and started sobbing the entire day and barely did anything and I am proud of myself for doing that. at some days I've dropped my guard down and enjoyed some pizza with family, later my ego would scold me for doing that "WE WON'T LOSE WEIGHT" and other ego drama stories, but I just shut this voice and I tell him "go pound sand". one of the most important lessons I did learn is to limit compassion with wisdom, sometimes I would take responsibility for others' suffering and I would sacrifice my own happiness and comfort to please them, but came this person who played a dirty trick that taught me this lesson that I should prioritize myself first and to be compassionate with myself. also other aspect is to be compassionate toward myself that there are things I can't do or control, I can't expect myself to work hard everyday and I can't expect myself to feel happy all the time, but to apply wisdom is to set a minimum amount of effort not to fall beyond it. last thing I started to appreciate it's value is listening and silence, yesterday my sister started to vent about all her life situations and in the beginning I started to point to her some flaws and negative beliefs in her speech I saw that she started to get bothered by me interrupting her and also she didn't appreciate my advices, so I started to practice bringing presence to dissolve her pain body by listening and "helping her relieve her suffering", at final, I did discover that she didn't actually have any problems at all but she just wanted someone to listen to her and to release this built up negativity, in the end I just told her very simple words and she appreciated them so much and felt so much joy. also I found so much peace in not being driven by the incessant urge to share my opinion and to speak, also ironically I was at my English club and the instructor asked a question: "What does dread mean ?", I answered: "Heavy feeling", he said "No, it means heavy fear". instead of being bothered by him not giving me appreciation or credits, I just said "I guess they are the same" and shrugged. I started to enjoy not being like Hermione and to give others space to speak and answer questions, fortunately I know all the answers but I just like to be compassionate and let others enjoy learning
  3. Hey Gillian, Thank you so much for sharing with me. I am really grateful that you went through such unpleasant experience because it was necessary as Eckhart says "Suffering is necessary until it's not", it's a lesson God will keep repeat till we surrender and let him guide us through life just as a loving father would guide a straying child. I do believe God is formless and he isn't male or a female, I just used an expression to elaborate my point/insight... I think I should use "universe" next time because it doesn't imply any mental images of an entity Eckhart also said "In being there is vast amount of intelligence", so when ever I've a life situation and I need a solution, I start to surrender and it's simple process of just being present while your mind keep drifting into "problem solving" you bring it back or observe how for each solution the mind brings up another problem. and eventually when the "right time" comes you will have all the resources and answers you need, but dealing with a "problem" in the "future" is impossible and even if you find a solution the mind will create another mental problem just like an infinite cycle. Thankfully you have witnessed the power of surrender by yourself, when you stopped relying on the mind and just accepted Life/God/Universe, this higher supreme being changed the entire universe just for you because you were one with the one. Love and prayers to you from the land of pharaohs ♥ be present ^_^
  4. Care to share few situations that you were protected by the ultimate love and the beloved one (God) ?
  5. Today I've faced death twice but I was saved twice and I felt really scared that I could die at any given moment by everything and anything, but also I felt deep gratitude that I was being protected by higher being/God and how each passing moment as though we are not present and not grateful yet his majesty is still protecting us and showering us in his mercy and kindness that we don't have to worry about anything as our bodies functions just as the entire universe flow in harmony without any errors. I don't need to worry about drinking water and dying because the water might get stuck in my throat, I don't need to worry about if I am going to eat tonight or not, if I am going to wake up from my sleep or not, if someone is going to break into my house, if any of my family members or friends get hurt or dies. we practice surrendering but unconsciously and we take these things for granted and we consider them to be "simple"... but when truly "simple things" occurs in our life like a bill or an exam, we stop practicing surrendering and we start resisting and worrying. few situations that did happen to me and how I was protected by a higher consciousness/being/God: -Today I was on the roof watching the sky and in Egypt our roofs has exposed standing steel bars in the concrete just like that image and I slipped on a small rock and almost fell on one of them...but I was protected. -in Egypt, in our balconies we have ropes to spread the laundry to dry, so I was doing that and while I was leaning forward I almost fell out of balance...but I was protected. -I was once crossing the road and the driver was in a hurry that he didn't pay attention to me, if I was one fraction of second late I would have died but instead the wheel stepped over the back of my shoes and didn't harm my ankles, the driver didn't even notice and he kept driving.....but I was protected. -yesterday I was doing the dishes with bare hands and I was washing the edge of a knife which had butter and it was so smooth that it almost slipped and could have slit my fingers...but I was protected. -few years ago when I was 18 my dad was recently had a stroke and I was the one responsible to take care of the finances of the house, long story short the water bill collector came to my house with a warning that I've to pay 7500 water bill (for an entire year we didn't pay the water bill because my family was paying the expenses of my father care in the hospital after he had a stroke)...the guy threatened that he will take me to court (for tax evasion ) if I didn't pay him tomorrow 5k, won't go through a lot of details but yes I was devastated and I broke down and I cried so hard and I prayed that God save me from this situation.... and he did save me and protect me. -in the same year, in Egypt we have an electricity police office department to deal with tax evasion and other cases... one day I woke up because 4 guys was knocking (not ringing the bell, this might give you a glimpse of how aggressive they are) on my door, when I did open the door they went in and started shouting and yelling because they usually deal with people who illegally steal electricity and avoid paying taxes, so they assumed that what we did but anyway the situation was that we had to pay 6500 electricity bill, because my dad rents shops and the renters were avoiding the taxes and we were the one responsible to deal with consequences... yes I broke down and I cried hard again and I prayed so hard that God save me from this situation...and he did save me and protect me.
  6. enjoy also this masterpiece
  7. you reached 999 posts, are you going to ascend to a higher dimension of consciousness or what hahaha 😄

    1. Gillian Sanger

      Gillian Sanger

      Wow! Good eye! 🙂

    2. Ali Zien

      Ali Zien

      congratz on 1,000 !

  8. looks like I am mystic man to predict your comment to be first hahaha ^_^ your presence is always soothing and I love how you write your comment with great care and love ♥ indeed, I also started with gratitude journal in the beginning of this year but I stopped journaling and I started thinking about it instead and then I started adding it in my prayers ( I pray 5 times a day as a Muslim) and now it became an addiction for me to say "Thank you" to everyone I meet for very simple things like when the vendor gives me the change back or when the bus driver stop for me. it's so easy now to focus always on the good things and even if something "not good" exist you simply switch your focus to what's good.
  9. Hello my beloved friends ♥ Today I brought you a further greater accomplishment, The past month I've created a progress tracker to see how well I will be committed to a life-changing plan. The plan orients around few habits and tasks to be made daily, 20 min of meditation, yoga ,eating healthy and abstaining from toxic bad habits... sleeping and waking early ( not always ) I've made many progress trackers but I never lasted this far, but this month was so different because God have sent an angel ( a mother figure that replaced the love of my mother who passed away more than 10 years ago when I was a little boy ) into my life and she filled my life with love and joy.. my heart was dry and depressed from all the suffering it went through but the angel came into my life and healed my heart and now my heart is blossoming with joy and gratitude ♥ a lot have happened in this month that I can't even count but I will try to share few glimpses because I feel like I can't express my gratitude with words ^_^ -having someone to support me and to care about made me much much stronger and happier, I pray everyday in gratitude that God brought her presence in my life as I also see her as a manifestation of God's love. -I am grateful that I've a community to share my wins with ♥ -I am grateful that my beloved God have provided me with money and support from my family to seek a professional help -I am grateful because I started seeing a psychiatrist and she made a healing plan for me, she said it consist of: *Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) *Emotion Management * Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) - I am grateful that I've committed to practicing yoga and I've committed to IGNITE 28 days yoga program (Breathe and flow) and thankfully my physical condition became much better,look so young and bright, lost good amount of weight and my back pain is almost gone and rarely appears and I've became very flexible that I can do half lotus with ease but full lotus for few seconds but I don't last longer because I am afraid of hurting my knees. -I am grateful that I've started contributing more deeply to my family by doing chores of cleaning the house and washing the dishes every single day and also by helping my father with his physical therapy healing, I started helping him to walk and by stretching & massaging his leg and arms because he his body is crippled after a stroke. -I am grateful that for the past 30 days I've tried my best to wake up everyday 4 AM to pray the dawn (Fajr) prayer and to meditate for 20 mins and then sipping a cup of joe while practicing gratitude -I am grateful that I was able to contribute much to my friends and family by just bringing more presence and mindfulness in our relationship -I am grateful that I started to develop the skill of observing and pulling attention back, I might go through the day and lose my awareness to some ego stories or mind wandering stories but as soon as I notice I do bring myself back and I started doing this more often. -I am grateful that I did learn how the mind is creating all the suffering, just as my angel always says: "by adding narrative to the event". the mind turns a situation into a problem and turns a thought into a drama, but dis-identifying is a great gift to have and it's a very relaxing soothing and yet liberating thing to do (it helps me to sleep better at night as my mind creates a lot of stories before bed ) -I am grateful that I started to accept the fact my manifested form is okay to be imperfect because in the level of un-manifested formlessness I am perfect, it's perfectly fine to have days where our physical body is lazy and can't do much and our meditation isn't the best or short.. just doing the minimum in this situation is the best answer but most importantly is not to fall below thought level and start identifying with ego stories about lazy or bad we are. -I am grateful that my angel would scold my ego whenever I started creating unnecessarily drama but also she was there to guide and to love me when I needed help and support during challenging life situations ♥ she made me realize my true worth and how valuable I am and also how wonderfully beautiful I am ♥ -I am grateful that bringing mindfulness into my study helped me advance much much better and yet I am not judging myself for not studying for many hours a day, I usually study (2-3) hours a day using pomodorro timer. -I am grateful that as much as I had a lot of joy through this journey, I am more grateful for having a firm ground to stand on instead of bouncing between happiness and depression. I feel more stable and calm, yet I get triggered sometimes and my mind starts creating drama and urges arise but it's so much easier now to realize my own presence and the mind stories so I can easily dis-identify . this is what present in my heart right now, but I am sure there is a lot much to be grateful for because I have a dancing heart ^_^. I am sure @Gillian Sanger will be the first one to comment, so I just want to tell her I love you from the bottom of my heart and that you so wonderful and your presence is so precious and valuable... Thank you so much for bringing much joy and love to this community ♥
  10. Gillian, I am always delightful when I see your comment because I feel it was written with love and compassion ^_^. Thank you for also sharing with me ♥
  11. to understand my backstory and my suffering with addiction: ( I am open that I was addicted to adult movies ) Today I've completed 10 days of total bliss ,peace and serenity. ( I keep track of my progress ) I wanted to express my joy and gratitude by sharing this win and this very important milestone on my road to recovery for the past years I've tried many (really many) times to change my behavior and to move towards creating a more positive happy life and I don't want to say I've tried many things but I will assume I did. it was always impossible for me to move beyond day 10, sometimes it did sound terrifying because I knew if I was able to move through the urges of the first week my willpower will be drained from resisting the urges and also because I was always experiencing stress or boredom most of the time. I couldn't move beyond day 5 because I was heavily identified with the mind and my mind was like an insane cat sometimes it would think about how amazing life will be after recovery and all the things I will do,then after few minutes it start thinking about relapsing and that I can't stay clean for this long time. I thought (with identification to ego) that I will be happy after I recover from porn addiction and I will lose weight and my life will be a bliss... thus I kept trying for years quitting porn and binge eating.... to be honest I wasn't addicted to any of that at all I was addicted to something very more dangerous... it was a predator that pushed millions of people to commit suicide if not physically then spiritually and it caused enough suffering that the last century it killed nearly 60 million people in 6 years and caused a world war (twice and seemingly soon there will be a trilogy) I was (probably still but being aware is the most important vital step towards awakening) addicted to thinking and identified with the mind and thus I was suffering a lot with symptoms (porn addiction,binge eating, stress,relapsing, depression, suicidal thoughts, excess fear). I do take a medicine to make me calmer and I take benefit from it by doing 1 hour meditation and practicing presence as much as possible so I can build more liberation and connect with my being. Now all the symptoms disappeared and my body lost weight and it's so much easier to be happy. and also I wanted to say that I found a precious gem Leah (spiritual accountable friend ^_^) who is so kind and unconditionally loving who helped & supported me a lot in this little journey. Namaskar ♥ may Allah fill your heart with peace and joy.
  12. Hello ^_^ a little update: I had the courage to approach my family and tell them that I need a professional help as I am experiencing weekly episodes and cycles of intense joy (4-3 days of the week) followed by depression (not really depression but I think just laziness ) and sometimes my mind start creating silly stories about suicide. and they were very understanding and I am really grateful for their support and kindness ♥ my sister helped me finding a psychiatrist and I just had a session yesterday ! I had few expectations but they weren't met I told him about addiction,binge eating disorder and relapsing due to the cycle I mentioned before... **Bare in mind, I never met any psychiatrists before or any spiritual gurus in my entire life** my expectations wasn't met because I thought he is going to make me tell him about the entire story of my life and that my present situation is due to "mistakes" that did happen in the past.. but long story short; he said " You are stressed." to be honest I resisted and my ego was kinda offended (doesn't he know how that I meditate every day for an hour and that I am very positive person and I read X & Y book and I watched X or Y videos about mindfulness and meditation ) this is how my mind reacted. I told him no because I think I am very calm person, I meditate a lot and I am mostly happy and my life is a total bliss and 90% is greatly wonderful but only need to understand how I can accept and change the other 10%. after speaking for a little, he talked again about stressed, and I started feeling like something is wrong and this guy doesn't understand how "Mindful" and "Awaken" I am ( I only noticed those ego related thoughts after the session ). I told him no I am not stressed in a conscious way but maybe in a unconscious way like in the background and I am not aware of it.. after a while he started talking about stress and something clicked I just became aware that truly I am experiencing stress and this is why I tend to lean into these behaviors because they help my mind relax from all the resistance I offer to urges: binge eating helps me to feel relaxed and full this is why my mind repeats this habit and to change this habit I just simply need to nurture my brain and body with the things it needs. he described me an antidepressant medicine to keep me calm ,relaxed and to try for one month and to observe how things will go and I am really excited and grateful because it will help me to commit to my life and to my goals and also my diet so I can see the results I want. and lowkey I am excited because this medicine will help me being more present, calm and to reap more benefits from meditation ! on a fundamental level I believe it's the thinking mind creating all the suffering, I even recall sadhguru saying that "if we removed half of your brain you will be completely fine and happy" so I believe that easing the stress by medicating and meditating will solve any inconvenience. the moral of the story is: be present ^_^
  13. I apologize if my topic is not on the correct section. I was listening to a song by Sami yusuf and it was powerfully charged with a lot of emotions, but I never understood what it was saying as it was sung in turkish language. so today I found that someone added the translation on the video and wow I was truly amazed by the lyrics of the poem ! I am just amazed that such a man who lived in the 14th century was able to reach such knowledge and connection to his true essence. I won't speak a lot, just hear for yourself.
  14. I can't describe how ecstatic I am right now , just thinking about mindfulness and zazen makes me joyful because I've experienced the realm of utter love and absolute joy ♥ and I understand what you mean of being hungry whether it's fear of poverty or fear due to binge eating disorder.. I experienced both of them and I even did 4 days of water fasting and being present made it sooooooooooooooo easy ! sometimes I would feel like I am so hungry and have stomach growling and I would start acting like I can't go any further but just reminding myself to observe the wave.. ironically it subsides hahaha and all those urges of hunger are just a drama made by the mind (OMG I AM GOING TO DIE OF HUNGER SOMEBODY HELP ME ). Eckhart Tolle mentioned in his book that after a while you will start laughing at the voice of your mind just as you laugh at a child. Much love to you Leah and I would love if we could be friends, can we be "spiritual accountability friends" ?
  15. Hey Gillian, I really wanted to appreciate your kindness and the sincerity to help. 

    you truly have a heart of gold. Thank you ^_^

    1. Gillian Sanger

      Gillian Sanger

      My pleasure Ali! We all need one another 😊

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