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Ali Zien

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Ali Zien last won the day on May 18 2021

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  1. @Gillian Sanger Aren't you the sweetest thing ever? You are so full of compassion and kindness
  2. Hello ^_^ Well, Today I was meditating and during the meditation, Gillian came to my mind and I wanted to express my gratitude to her since I have been very inactive lately. It has been more than 9 months (285 days to be exact) since I started my self-healing journey and I can't put my journey into words as it is a holistic experience that started with quitting porn and sticking to a healthy diet to quitting Religion & ego-based forms and being conscious, eating vegan for animals & environment, living as a quality skillful person, doing in an expression of love and wisdom. I had my ups and downs and I am still a little bit extreme with few things but it's not a journey of perfection but of inviting Presence I do have urges to relapse back to porn or to eat junk food and there are temptations everywhere as I don't live in a healthy environment but it's a matter of choice and does this represent who I want to be or not I will make sure to drop a hello there and here if I do remember it during my meditations. Love and light to all of you and especially @Gillian Sanger
  3. Ali Zien

    Ali Zien

  4. Mandalas! I just googled it...This is lovely!
  5. Thanks Gillian! I did read all of them! I will try to practice mindfulness walking and eating as much as possible
  6. Thanks Gillian! I will surely check them out after work!
  7. Hey wonderful people! My life is going out amazing, I've recovered fully from addiction and I became vegan and also I learned how to cook healthy food also I am practicing yoga daily....I can go forever about how blessed I am, But I am not here to share my wins. I want to teach myself to slow down not only mentally but also physically. Even If I am not anxious, I find moving/eating/reading fast tend to send signals to my brain that I am anxious. Looking back I am much slower and calmer than I was before, But I am looking for ways to support my practice since I did notice that when I am behaving slowly it's much easier to be present and to practice loving kindness.
  8. Namaste ^_^ Today I am happy to share with all of you my 100 day success. What success? I don't even know. What have I won? Nothing, Absolutely nothing but won everything too. In the past 100 days I've abstained from things I was addicted to and I was able to manage the tendency to eat un-mindfully, I've meditated everyday without missing a day, Some days I've meditated for 3 hours and others for only 5 mins. Back to my initial point, I've just realized that after 90 days (The needed time to recover fully from porn addiction) That I haven't gained anything supernatural, My life situation didn't turn into one of these inspirational movies scene nor I've attracted fulfilling satisfaction and unwavering determination. I thought porn and binge eating was the reason for my suffering, But they are just a symptom. Actually, When I reached 90 days I wasn't excited or amazed just equanimous . What I am trying to say over here is that I haven't added anything to myself that will miraculously make me happy forever nor I have lost something that "kept me in the mud" as I've described my life situation in my relapse topic. I was once reading a book called "Zen mind, Beginner" mind and the author said: "enlightenment is something wonderful; but if they attain it, that is nothing special." I just feel like that I am happy now and grateful for this experience I had through this journey and I feel like I've matured a lot, If you ask me to sum it in a sentence I would say: "Expect nothing and you will have everything". My words seems like dualistic, But they are not. It's just my life situation got better but my life is always joyful and peaceful. the reason for suffering is that we mistake the surface waves for the ocean, Doesn't matter what I will attain in this world it will never make me happy but temporarily. I suffered a lot because I wanted a lot. Now I will enjoy drinking my cup of tea without wanting to go somewhere or to be with someone. (HEY GILLIAN ^_^)
  9. Hello Mr David, Thanks a lot for your feedback ^_^ I appreciate it a lot because, As I mentioned, It came to me on day 10 that I should not have any expectations about anything in life. Right now I've just done meditating for 1 hour and I don't even remember if I was present or not because my mind was cluttered was many thoughts, But I am not even upset nor happy. Just grateful for taking another small baby step toward nothing but my truth.
  10. Ali Zien


    Great quote, Ockert! Maybe if you ever come to Egypt, I will be your guide although I live in Egypt, I've never seen the pyramids!
  11. Thank you for sharing ^_^ ♥ In my Islamic tradition when we greet people or say good bye, we say: Peace be upon you. السلام عليكم Al-Salam Aly-oukim. Peace be with you Rachel ^_^
  12. Hello everyone ( Hey Gillian ) I am starting a new phase in my life. My entire life was evolved and I am so happy for that but also little bit concerned with my mind going through infinite "What-if" loop. So, I decided to prepare myself holistically by taking 3 days home retreat (I just made this up, I don't know if this is called a retreat ), Initially I intended to to do it for 3 days and to meditate everyday for 5~6 hours and to fast from sunshine to sunset, But I started day 1 with a lot of fear of how I am going to do this I only did 4 hours of meditation. So, After careful considerations I decided to meditate 3 hours only a day, But at day 4 I was already doing so good at decided to continue to 10 days. At day 6 I was busy or lazy I don't remember but I delayed the last 2 hours of meditation before bed time, Now bed time is in 3 hours and I got to meditate for 2 hours, How on earth I am going to do that unless I sit down for 2 hours and take no breaks between meditation. This what I did. Yup...I even made myself a cup of tea and drunk it while meditating At day 7 I was struggling with meditation because I was upset that I am not perfect Zen master yet I was expecting that I will be present the entire hour but my mind still wandered for most of the meditation and I would catch my mind wandering dozens of times under one moment. Then, My spiritual partner scolded me for having so much expectations and for judging myself, She told me that she is "The worst meditator", "It's totally fine if I fall Asleep during the meditation", "It's perfectly fine for me if I only stay present for few seconds in the entire hour of meditation", "Your ego needs to enroll in expectation school!". Isn't she so sweet? I love her so much ^_^ This was the best lesson I learned in this journey, Expectations are conditions for happiness, Serve them no tea. The rest of days was the best as I started to be carefree about form and to eliminate any expectations of "how it should be", I would meditate with a cup of tea and during the meditation I could stop and pour myself a cup of water or I might pause to go to bathroom or to play with my little Zen master ( cat ). In the end of day 10... Nope, There was no staircase descending from the sky nor I attained enlightenment. I am just so happy because I started to be carefree of expectations and this made me much happier! I don't know what else to say Namaste!
  13. Gillian, your comments always makes me heart joyous! Thank you so much for your presence ♥ honestly, I share these topics periodically just to say hello to you ^_^
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