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Ali Zien

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Ali Zien last won the day on January 12

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  1. Mandalas! I just googled it...This is lovely!
  2. Thanks Gillian! I did read all of them! I will try to practice mindfulness walking and eating as much as possible
  3. Thanks Gillian! I will surely check them out after work!
  4. Hey wonderful people! My life is going out amazing, I've recovered fully from addiction and I became vegan and also I learned how to cook healthy food also I am practicing yoga daily....I can go forever about how blessed I am, But I am not here to share my wins. I want to teach myself to slow down not only mentally but also physically. Even If I am not anxious, I find moving/eating/reading fast tend to send signals to my brain that I am anxious. Looking back I am much slower and calmer than I was before, But I am looking for ways to support my practice since I did notice that when I am behaving slowly it's much easier to be present and to practice loving kindness.
  5. Namaste ^_^ Today I am happy to share with all of you my 100 day success. What success? I don't even know. What have I won? Nothing, Absolutely nothing but won everything too. In the past 100 days I've abstained from things I was addicted to and I was able to manage the tendency to eat un-mindfully, I've meditated everyday without missing a day, Some days I've meditated for 3 hours and others for only 5 mins. Back to my initial point, I've just realized that after 90 days (The needed time to recover fully from porn addiction) That I haven't gained anything supernatural, My life situation didn't turn into one of these inspirational movies scene nor I've attracted fulfilling satisfaction and unwavering determination. I thought porn and binge eating was the reason for my suffering, But they are just a symptom. Actually, When I reached 90 days I wasn't excited or amazed just equanimous . What I am trying to say over here is that I haven't added anything to myself that will miraculously make me happy forever nor I have lost something that "kept me in the mud" as I've described my life situation in my relapse topic. I was once reading a book called "Zen mind, Beginner" mind and the author said: "enlightenment is something wonderful; but if they attain it, that is nothing special." I just feel like that I am happy now and grateful for this experience I had through this journey and I feel like I've matured a lot, If you ask me to sum it in a sentence I would say: "Expect nothing and you will have everything". My words seems like dualistic, But they are not. It's just my life situation got better but my life is always joyful and peaceful. the reason for suffering is that we mistake the surface waves for the ocean, Doesn't matter what I will attain in this world it will never make me happy but temporarily. I suffered a lot because I wanted a lot. Now I will enjoy drinking my cup of tea without wanting to go somewhere or to be with someone. (HEY GILLIAN ^_^)
  6. Hello Mr David, Thanks a lot for your feedback ^_^ I appreciate it a lot because, As I mentioned, It came to me on day 10 that I should not have any expectations about anything in life. Right now I've just done meditating for 1 hour and I don't even remember if I was present or not because my mind was cluttered was many thoughts, But I am not even upset nor happy. Just grateful for taking another small baby step toward nothing but my truth.
  7. Ali Zien

    2.jpeg

    Great quote, Ockert! Maybe if you ever come to Egypt, I will be your guide although I live in Egypt, I've never seen the pyramids!
  8. Thank you for sharing ^_^ ♥ In my Islamic tradition when we greet people or say good bye, we say: Peace be upon you. السلام عليكم Al-Salam Aly-oukim. Peace be with you Rachel ^_^
  9. Good job! stay committed!
  10. Hello everyone ( Hey Gillian ) I am starting a new phase in my life. My entire life was evolved and I am so happy for that but also little bit concerned with my mind going through infinite "What-if" loop. So, I decided to prepare myself holistically by taking 3 days home retreat (I just made this up, I don't know if this is called a retreat ), Initially I intended to to do it for 3 days and to meditate everyday for 5~6 hours and to fast from sunshine to sunset, But I started day 1 with a lot of fear of how I am going to do this I only did 4 hours of meditation. So, After careful considerations I decided to meditate 3 hours only a day, But at day 4 I was already doing so good at decided to continue to 10 days. At day 6 I was busy or lazy I don't remember but I delayed the last 2 hours of meditation before bed time, Now bed time is in 3 hours and I got to meditate for 2 hours, How on earth I am going to do that unless I sit down for 2 hours and take no breaks between meditation. This what I did. Yup...I even made myself a cup of tea and drunk it while meditating At day 7 I was struggling with meditation because I was upset that I am not perfect Zen master yet I was expecting that I will be present the entire hour but my mind still wandered for most of the meditation and I would catch my mind wandering dozens of times under one moment. Then, My spiritual partner scolded me for having so much expectations and for judging myself, She told me that she is "The worst meditator", "It's totally fine if I fall Asleep during the meditation", "It's perfectly fine for me if I only stay present for few seconds in the entire hour of meditation", "Your ego needs to enroll in expectation school!". Isn't she so sweet? I love her so much ^_^ This was the best lesson I learned in this journey, Expectations are conditions for happiness, Serve them no tea. The rest of days was the best as I started to be carefree about form and to eliminate any expectations of "how it should be", I would meditate with a cup of tea and during the meditation I could stop and pour myself a cup of water or I might pause to go to bathroom or to play with my little Zen master ( cat ). In the end of day 10... Nope, There was no staircase descending from the sky nor I attained enlightenment. I am just so happy because I started to be carefree of expectations and this made me much happier! I don't know what else to say Namaste!
  11. Gillian, your comments always makes me heart joyous! Thank you so much for your presence ♥ honestly, I share these topics periodically just to say hello to you ^_^
  12. This topic is improvised and not organized, I just wrote whatever came to my mind. P.S: Hey Gillian ^_^ ♥ I've came so far thanks to the prayers of my beloved ones and to the angel sent by God to guide me through this journey. Today I am celebrating my great milestone! I never imagined in my life I would come this far and if you have read my first topic you would know how miserable I was and I felt hopeless about any changes or to have the will to move past addiction and depression. for the past 50 days I had few flaws, some days I broke my diet and some days I experienced deep grief and sobbed the entire day in despair, I had also two days where I dipped down and relapsed back to addiction, but the only thing I was committed to was 20 min of meditation everyday and if I wasn't overwhelmed by tiredness and busy schedule I practiced yoga everyday. I feel like I've grown into something wiser and much more mature, I don't concern myself much now with wanting but with serving instead. Today I was reading chapter ten of the power of now, the meaning of surrender, and I did notice that during this journey I didn't let my ego have any expectations of what it should be like: " I must lose this amount of weight in 2 months" "I must make no mistakes at all" "I must wake up everyday at 4 am and be productive" "I must only eat healthy food" I started to practice "Non judgement" and "Self-compassion", just two days ago I was binge eating on pizza and cakes, but I didn't consider it as a "failure", just kept going and went with the flow of life instead of resisting. at one day I got really overwhelmed by grief and instead of telling myself "I must work today and do that or that" I just went back to bed and started sobbing the entire day and barely did anything and I am proud of myself for doing that. at some days I've dropped my guard down and enjoyed some pizza with family, later my ego would scold me for doing that "WE WON'T LOSE WEIGHT" and other ego drama stories, but I just shut this voice and I tell him "go pound sand". one of the most important lessons I did learn is to limit compassion with wisdom, sometimes I would take responsibility for others' suffering and I would sacrifice my own happiness and comfort to please them, but came this person who played a dirty trick that taught me this lesson that I should prioritize myself first and to be compassionate with myself. also other aspect is to be compassionate toward myself that there are things I can't do or control, I can't expect myself to work hard everyday and I can't expect myself to feel happy all the time, but to apply wisdom is to set a minimum amount of effort not to fall beyond it. last thing I started to appreciate it's value is listening and silence, yesterday my sister started to vent about all her life situations and in the beginning I started to point to her some flaws and negative beliefs in her speech I saw that she started to get bothered by me interrupting her and also she didn't appreciate my advices, so I started to practice bringing presence to dissolve her pain body by listening and "helping her relieve her suffering", at final, I did discover that she didn't actually have any problems at all but she just wanted someone to listen to her and to release this built up negativity, in the end I just told her very simple words and she appreciated them so much and felt so much joy. also I found so much peace in not being driven by the incessant urge to share my opinion and to speak, also ironically I was at my English club and the instructor asked a question: "What does dread mean ?", I answered: "Heavy feeling", he said "No, it means heavy fear". instead of being bothered by him not giving me appreciation or credits, I just said "I guess they are the same" and shrugged. I started to enjoy not being like Hermione and to give others space to speak and answer questions, fortunately I know all the answers but I just like to be compassionate and let others enjoy learning
  13. Hey Gillian, Thank you so much for sharing with me. I am really grateful that you went through such unpleasant experience because it was necessary as Eckhart says "Suffering is necessary until it's not", it's a lesson God will keep repeat till we surrender and let him guide us through life just as a loving father would guide a straying child. I do believe God is formless and he isn't male or a female, I just used an expression to elaborate my point/insight... I think I should use "universe" next time because it doesn't imply any mental images of an entity Eckhart also said "In being there is vast amount of intelligence", so when ever I've a life situation and I need a solution, I start to surrender and it's simple process of just being present while your mind keep drifting into "problem solving" you bring it back or observe how for each solution the mind brings up another problem. and eventually when the "right time" comes you will have all the resources and answers you need, but dealing with a "problem" in the "future" is impossible and even if you find a solution the mind will create another mental problem just like an infinite cycle. Thankfully you have witnessed the power of surrender by yourself, when you stopped relying on the mind and just accepted Life/God/Universe, this higher supreme being changed the entire universe just for you because you were one with the one. Love and prayers to you from the land of pharaohs ♥ be present ^_^
  14. Care to share few situations that you were protected by the ultimate love and the beloved one (God) ?
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