I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a few years ago. First close family member besides my brother. I didn't see my brother for 10 years. But it hit me very hard. My dad, I was right there with mom helping her get through things. I remind myself of how awesome death really is. I try to be the observer and caretaker when around the losses. I experience and acknowledge the loss when the time is appropriate. Only 10 years ago I could not deal with loss at all. I would shake and totally melt down.
Understanding that we do not die. The body dies, helps me with my emotional control. I truly believe this because I witness this when I help a couple people to cross over. (My dad and my father-in-law) I mean I visited with them until they were comfortable enough to go from their form.
My dad was talking to his buddy soldiers from 60 years previous. Greeting them, being half here and half there. It was an amazing thing to witness. Both these people were older and ready to go. It is much different in different situations. I still never hold back and remain in the deep breathing and controlled mode until appropriate.