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Very appropriate topic and excellent quote Gillian. I feel both more vulnerable and more empowered. Staying at home with my husband and not working makes me feel vulnerable: I'm not making money, I'm not being a psychologist and helping people (which I'm realizing was a role I was too attached to and defined myself by), I'm having to sit still with myself, and I'm having to spend more quiet time with my husband. In addition, I worried about the coronavirus, not so much for myself, but for my family and for all of those who have been infected and their families. I decided to take advantage of the time at home and enrolled in many online educational activities and trainings. I learned how to teach mindfulness skills to prisoners in Path to Freedom; I enrolled in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction; I participated in numerous yoga and mindfulness seminars; I took a course on Chakras; studied Buddhism; read many books; wrote poems and added to a book that I've been writing. I invested in me, instead of investing in others, which was what I did for 13 years as a psychologist in private practice. What felt unnatural at first started to feel good. I noticed changes- an ability to stay present, increased patience, decreased "noise" in my head from eating disorder, increased satisfaction in relationships, better communication, more love to give. Watching George Floyd's murder left me feeling powerless and heartsick. Another moment of vulnerability, a terrible situation that I witnessed and couldn't stop, a horror that occurred in my own city. Then empowerment stepped in. I had previously joined HumanizeMyHoodie and became more active in helping the organization. I supported Black Lives Matter with a donation and by spreading materials. I read and studied American history- the real history. I immersed myself in Black literature and other cultural material. I spoke my mind to friends, family, and on social media. I shared resources. I celebrated the momentum of the protests and the subsequent changes across the country. I'm still celebrating, and I'm still an activist, a proud ally. What I've learned is that when I feel vulnerable, I need to speak up, tell my truth, own my feelings, and act on my values. I am empowered when I take action that aligns with who I truly am and what I believe in my heart. Even if that action puts me in a vulnerable position, I will be standing on a stage of power.

Incredibly helpful resource, thank you.

I love that idea yogawithpriyanka! Using color with the breath is a great idea for the one breath. When I do alternate nostil breathing or nadi shodhana without my thumb and ring finger blocking my nostrils (such as when I'm lying down trying to fall asleep) I typically use the color pink and it helps me isolate the nostrils. Another thing that helps me with breath is inhaling all the way into the belly so that I'm not breathing shallowly and making sure the exhale is longer than the inhale.

lol...yes we humans do have a propensity to want to control our breath - and you are absolutely right - the moment we relinquish that control aspect, and observe - the breath becomes a friend - when i teach, i always recommend for one to give the breath a color - and that helps one visualize the breath going in and out of the body - with the added bonus of caressing the internal organs and healing them... the traditional method is to visualize the breath as a golden or a white color - but one can play with it and explore that visualization with different colours - there's more to the breath meditation ... will share more if you are interested

I started to write a while ago but just found it sitting here. I have used that meditation, Priyanka, and thank you for it. I really need to be doing more and more. I was just going to pop in to say hello. I saw a moose the other day and was very excited and there are two beavers down the road who I watch almost every night. Those are the highlights of my life right now. I hope all are well.

I have recently learned that empathy is the identifying with the feelings of others, while compassion is being called to help. This has helped me reframe compassion for both myself and for others. Viewing compassion as something actionable has made it more concrete for me. I, like @Gillian Sanger am regularly drawn to metta and tonglen styles of meditation. In both, the concepts of helping, wishing, meditating in the interest of increasing the well being of others is, to me, the action of compassion. I also really like the self-compassion work of Kristin Neff, who taught me about the shared humanity of suffering during a very fragile and difficult time in my life. The idea that self compassion can be the tiny act of placing a hand on your heart or holding your own hand to alleviate your own suffering shifted things for me. When I am feeling self critical or shaming myself, those things continue to bring. me some small places of ease. Lastly, I heard Pema Chodron speak of something in a recent interview called Compassionate Abiding. You can take a listen to the conversation (I have listened 4 times!) at the link below. Tami Simon from SoundsTrue is a wonderful interviewer. I learned so much from this podcast and use compassionate abiding daily. https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/pema-chodron-compassionate-abiding/

@Jo L - I'm re-sharing the video you posted in a thread because it will probably be easier for people to find here than on your profile page. Thank you so much for sharing this - what a beautiful reminder of our oneness.

Hello! My favorite mindfulness practice right now is yoga because I'm going through a lot of stress and yoga helps me stay grounded and connect mind/body/spirit. I just signed up to do my 300 hour yoga teacher training so I'm really excited (I did my 200 hour in 2012). Meditation is always helpful too, but lately monkey mind has been really active! Another tool for me is writing, especially poems. I find it very soothing and a good way to express my feelings; sometimes feelings come out that I wan't even aware of.

Hi Rachel, Yes, great ideas to bring it in and meet the children where they are in their development and interests. I think teens will pretend not to listen but they do absorb it in their own time. I'm sure for your own children they are at the stage where it's not cool to listen to Mum but they will use it and appreciate it in life. Being able to bring that to them is amazing.

namaste, @Gillian Sanger thank you so much for making this session possible. really appreciate it. @Jo L and @Gillian Sangerthank you for joining in to the session today - am so grateful we were able to do this. awesome to finally meet virtually... i look forward to another session led by one of you... @Rachel we do look forward to seeing you next time we do another session. in the meantime, i have added my youtube channel link below, for everyone to enjoy till we meet again. @Jo L https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUwcP-bWLm1vOC7K7Ge-4bw/ linktree abbreviates the playlists and might be easier to peruse to find exactly what you are looking for such as chair yoga, or yoga for core strength etc, meditation and yoga nidra https://linktr.ee/yogawithpriyanka Stay safe and be well warmly priyanka ❤️

I would love to join via Zoom if/when Priyanka offers another yoga practice. Thank you!

Thank you for sharing Gillian. Love stories like this. We need to be reminded of the genuine kindness and love we are all made of.

Thank you so much Priyanka for a wonderful practice this morning! I feel refreshed and ready to conquer the day. It was great to see you too Gillian! Priyanka, you mentioned that you have sessions on youtube that are available. How can I access those? Thanks again and have a lovely day!

"Most reliable friend is within myself, that's compassion. And, anyway, cheap. Other, external means, sometimes quite expensive." -Dalai Lamma

Dear Jules, I am sending you love and light. I hear you and know what it's like to be feeling that vulnerability and confusion about whether or not to open up about feelings when it feels sort of overwhelming. I find, however, that talking about and expressing myself is actually a relief, like letting air out of a balloon that is going to explode in my chest. When I am depressed, though, it's hard for me to talk because I shut down and simply don't have the energy or motivation to open up. Sometimes I can't even formulate my thoughts. I encourage you to share on this forum if that feels safe, like you just did. I hope you feel proud of yourself for taking that step- that is a demonstration of vulnerability.

David I appreciate your reflections on "just-like-me" which Fleet Maull includes in his curriculum for teaching mindfulness to prisoners in Path to Freedom. Since I've decided to work with prisoners and become a prison reform advocate, I've been amazed at the number of former prisoners who transform in prison and become truly remarkarable people that make a real difference in society and other's lives. When I was working as a psychologist, I had a client who was sent to maximum security prison for 5 years. He had a horrible time there- was beaten, sent to solitary numerous times, and at one point broke his back when a guard intervened in a fight. When my client was released and scheduled an appointment with me, I had no idea what to expect. He entered my office and was just beaming; he was so happy to be free and proceeded to tell me how prison transformed him, despite all of the negative and horrifying experiences he had gone through. He got sober (even though drugs were available) found spirituality and meditation, developed deep relationships with other men and discovered that his calling was to heal and help others. His progress in therapy accelerated, he re-established a relationship with a son whom he had abandoned, started coaching youth in basketball, secured full-time employment, and began studying to become a youth leader. I realize his experience may not be the norm, but I strongly believe that prisoners are not bad people, and they all deserve a chance at a new life when they finish their sentence. Unfortunately, prisoners are not set up for success when they are released, which is a reason I am strongly advocating for systemic change in the prison industry. I am also appalled at the disproportionate number of black people incarcerated versus white people, as well as their longer sentences, and much higher likelihood of getting the death sentence (which itself is cruel and unusual punishment in my opinion). One story that is truly inspiring is that of a woman whose teenage so was shot and killed by another teenage boy. She went to the trial and saw the shooter sentenced to many years in prison. After awhile, the woman felt an urge to talk to the young man who was responsible for her son's death so she visited him in jail. Soon, she was visiting him regularly. They developed a strong bond. She forgave him and began to truly care about him, whose own mother was not in his life. When he was finally released from jail, the mother of the son he killed actually helped him secure housing near her, and basically assisted him in transitioning to life on the outside. They visit almost daily and she now calls the man who killed her biological son 'son.' How beautiful is that?

The prison film was very humbling. "Just-like-me" has been a fairly regular practice of mine for years, basically because I was trying to find metta teachings that spoke to me. After failing to relate well to a couple of the often-recommended books, I found Jeffrey Hopkins book A Truthful Heart that spends a lot of time on "just-like-me." Hopkins in one of those amazing characters who was a gangster and juvenile delinquent who went on to be a Rhodes Scholar, translator for the Dali Lama, and a professor at U. Va. His early aggression was something to which I really could relate! I think "just-like-me" practice can do a lot toward starting to deconstruct the crazy ways we identify with personality views, blame ourselves and blame others. In the G.R.I.P. prison program they have a saying something like "Leaving Prison Before You Get Out." It's not about fantasy or detachment from reality, it's about personal insight and freedom. I think a lot of people on the outside are too spoiled to do the work. I know I can feel the pulls of smugness and comfort resisting the necessary effort, masking the fears, and draining the courage. The graduates of those prison programs are real warriors of the heart. They serve as an inspiration to me, so do the victims and relatives who support them and bear witness to the prisoners' transformation. I think that is part of the trick: not to blame and rationalize our failure to press onward, but to have kindness and really apply ourselves to growing.

Beautiful reflection Jo. Thank you so much for sharing. I am so glad to hear you have taken this time to invest in yourself. What a wonderful way to meet the vulnerability and the unknown. I also love your last sentence: "Even if that action puts me in a vulnerable position, I will be standing on a stage of power." This is a wonderful reminder because so often it feels easier to shy away from speaking our truth. The past couple of months have challenged me in this way as I've felt called to speak from my heart in new ways. It is scary, but I do believe this is how we grow. And even if we make a mistake, it's a part of the process.

https://weshouldgettogether.com/blog/how-to-help-your-black-and-nonblack-friends-right-now I thought this article might be helpful. Has a lot of practical advice and information.

Thought I'd share this with you all:

It am thinking it might be even harder to have a broken ankle in the summer because you might want to be out and moving more but then winter is cumbersome although mabe it has healed already. Either way I am sorry you broke your ankle and hope it heals quickly. You ave found a way to deal with stress and I truly understand the stress of past decisions because I have made so many bad ones. I live with the consequences of the latest and thus the others follow me around. I do not fish (vegan here) but I understand the peace of it. At the pond down the road I see people in their kayaks and canoes who are fishing and I think of how nice it would be and laugh as I think of fishing but without a hook. I went fishing once in my life when I was 5. Water can be a balm to the soul. I would love to see what you post for yoga and meditation. My daughter started to do yoga since she has had no work but she has been very busy protesting lately so I do not know how much time she has. She was sewing hospital gowns for a while for a bit of extra money and found yoga to really help her as she was sitting a lot. I am not sure what you mean about the government and family and all that.

Wow Rachel. Thanks so much for sharing. I think it is great that so many white people, many of whom likely never heard of Juneteenth until this year, attended the rally. I can't get the image of the young black boy with the sign "please stop killing us" out of my head." Such as simple. peaceful protest, yet the pain and history in that statement is heart-wrenching. I hope that white people approached him and gave him love and support. I also hope that white and black people were united at the rally, instead of naturally sticking to their kind, which often happens in large groups of people. We need to listen to and get to know Black people. They have important stories to tell and important ideas about how we can move forward. I'm not saying that didn't happen- just going by past rallies and gatherings. Brigit Anna McNeil spoke the truth- there are incredibly strong and determined people out there still fighting for justice. We need to recognize and honor them. I attended a zoom meeting by HumanizeMyHoodie and it was interesting because the founders, Jason Sole and Andre Wright reminded us that sure, the emancipation proclamation was declared, but that did not end slavery, but for a very few slaves. and Lincoln himself had slaves. Eventually the emancipation proclamation led to the Thirteenth Amendment with abolished slavery, but even then, black workers were essentially slaves to their white bosses. Despite these facts that get lost in history, Jason and Andre were celebrating and declaring how free they felt, and that they never anticipated this kind of movement in their lifetime. I'm so thrilled to be part of this movement and will continue to do whatever I can to move things forward. It's about time!

Thank you Gillian for such a thought-provoking article. I totally agree that "calling-in" is the way to go in terms of more effective communication and moving forward toward healing, but I also get why people "call-out." I think the paragraphs you included highlight the reasons. I copied a section I found quite illuminating: "Essentially, we want to be intentional about where we put our attention and what we’re prioritizing. We want to make sure we don’t fall into the old patterns of prioritizing form over content – whether it’s a calling-out or a calling-in, we want to connect with what is being revealed and not focus only on how it was said. If we see both calling-out and calling-in as a window into what is really important for another, we escape the trap of the dichotomous good/bad paradigm, and see every expression as an invitation for connection, understanding, repair and healing. And as conditions are created where all expressions are met with deep understanding of the context informing that expression, with deep empathy and compassion, we also create the possibility of establishing enough trust that we are interested in leveraging the power of calling-in for not only drawing attention to a problem, but inviting partnership towards the solution." I have to go at the moment but want to come back to this and chat more about it....

Great question. I find that I have a lot less anxiety, so I’m able to sit for an extended period of time and read a book instead of finding something ‘productive’ to do. I’ve also been writing a lot more in my book, as well as more poems. Before, I simply didn’t have the patience to sit and write. My husband and I are getting along better because I make more time for him and consciously make efforts to contribute more to the marriage, even if it’s simply making his lunch, running an errand for him, or sitting through a Star Wars movie because I know he loves it. I’m also far less judgmental towards myself and others. I allow myself to make mistakes, and give myself space to have uncomfortable emotions. Most importantly, I see a whole new way of perceiving the world and my place in it. I feel a certain expansiveness and freedom that I am so grateful for. And thank you to everyone here for all of your wisdom and support

I am sorry for your losses Rainbow, and I agree with your notion of making the best of our time with loved ones and acknowledging blessings. I also agree with Gillian about focusing on the small ways to bring peace into your life. I find comfort in smiling and greeting others, writing down things I'm grateful for, listening to soothing music, meditating, doing yoga, talking to supportive people, writing/journaling, reading, etc. It's also important to allow your feelings...Jon Kabat-Zinn said to lay down a welcome mat for your uncomfortable feelings instead of turning away or pushing them away. There is space enough for all of our emotions. And grief is unpredictable and follows it's own path, so it's important to be patient and gentle with yourself. Many of my clients who lost loved ones questioned why they were still grieving and it was important for them to give themselves permission to grieve indefinitely. There is no 'appropriate' time line for any of our feelings. Allow and accept. Feelings aren't good or bad, right or wrong, they just are.

What a great response! I hear you about being a hothead- I'm still apologizing to my parents for how I acted as a teen. And taking a walk can solve many a problem Great advice!

Thanks, Robyn. I'll try to sit with secular buddhism's next practice session. I used to occasionally read articles on their website, but right now I am pretty immersed in the Insight Meditation Center and its online offerings. https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/ Still, I look for ways to broaden and inform my outlook.

I have been teaching Mindfulness Meditation classes for 4.5 years now (I trained to teach the MBSR course but lack the time to teach the full blown course, so my classes are taught in a similar way). Sometimes, I find it hard to find people to practice with due to living in a rural town. I have been attending a twice-monthly Secular Buddhist Practice Circle for about two years. I invite you to check it out. The URL for the Secular Buddhism Association is: https://secularbuddhism.org/

Well, is apocalyptic too much of a stretch? There seems to be compliance or flat out (anger) resistance, be it covid19 or racism and from what I can gather despite lots of talk there is no foreseeable solution to either. Anyway, mourning the death of my wife from many years ago and my parents, as well. Life is always precious, but now it seems to be more "in our faces" and it most assuredly a time to make the best of each friendship, family member and acknowledge the blessings God has given us.

I would tell my younger self everyday that I love you . To my future self I would say: follow your heart in your interests in work, happiness is yoga, Mindfulness, breath work , and chakras so make time to stay balanced.

Wow- Rachel, we are on the same page! I am fond of all of the teachers you mentioned, and practice Loving Kindness and Tonglen. I love Pema Chodron and I believe I have all of her books. I was going to go to one of her conferences in New York a few years ago but it sold out and I was so disappointed! Thich Nhat Hanh is probably also my favorite, but I admire the others you mentioned, and also Sharon Salzberg and Jon Kabat-Zinn. My yoga teacher is very spiritual and while she doesn't mention mindfulness or Buddhism, she leads her classes and meditations that are very powerful and along the same wavelength. I'm glad to hear that you also engage in the difficult but necessary conversations with your friends. My best friend also happens to be Black so we talk about that all the time. I look forward to continuing to learn, and I'm grateful for the number of resources I'm discovering from the various networks I'm part of. I can forward you some but you probably have plenty of access. Let me know. I, too, want to show up with sensitivity as I try to share my knowledge of mindfulness and yoga with the Black community. I want to learn as much as I teach. As an aside, twenty years ago I dated a Black man for over five years and I thought nothing of it, nor did my family, who welcomed him with open arms. It pissed me off when people on occasion would give us looks when we were in public. I tried so many times to engage him in dialogue about what it was like to date a white woman, and what it was like to be Black in a predominantly white state, but unfortunately he didn't want to talk about it. One thing I noticed in terms of the difference between his Black family and my white family became apparent when I compared our family reunions one summer. My family gathered in Colorado. Picture a bunch of stoic, tough-acting men drinking beers (except for the numerous alcoholics who gathered together in a corner) and a bunch of women dressed carefully and fixing their hair and makeup, gossiping, noticing who's gained weight and who's lost weight (never mind the fact that two family members weren't present at the reunion because they were in treatment for eating disorders.) The kids played together but were scolded if they strayed or got too loud. The food is picnic food- bland and pretty gross, lacking flavor or creativity. People are pretty subdued, some laughs but generally mellow and the reunion ends early without a bang. Everyone leaves likely thinking, "thank goodness that's over for another five years!" Contrast that with his family reunion in New Orleans. I was the only white person there but welcomed like a member of the family. Everyone was loud- greeting each other, laughing, singing happily. Kids ran around with free spirit and joy. The men enjoyed conversation and grilled. The beautiful women wore tight, bright clothing proudly, not caring about body size or shape, and danced around. The food was spectacular and everyone wanted seconds and thirds. We all stayed til nightfall, telling stories, laughing, getting to know one another. I noticed that my boyfriend used a different tone and vernacular than he did in MN, and he laughed more easily. I'd never seen him so free and I tried to capture the moment in my mind because it made me so happy. You can probably guess which family reunion I preferred

lol...i completely resonate with that - my husband is an arborist and he wanted to be planted when he passes on - or yes a conservation burial .... or mix the ashes in with a seed and grow into a tree - something akin to that yoga saved my life - long before teaching, i was practising as a way to deal with my demons - it has saved me for sure - but what has helped immensely has been the pranayam (breathwork) and vipassana meditation; which has evolved into different types of guided meditations -i wanted to mention earlier that i too am adopted, never got the chance to know my biological parents nor was ever interested - but a fleeting desire surfaced at one point in my late 20's however there was never any true interest as i was abandoned and there was no way for me to search for my biological mother... another way to access the parasympathetic nervous system, is that its recommended to exhale slowly out of the mouth and increase the exhalation so that its always longer than the inhalation ... i love the tree meditation - i will share that with my husband ...

Hello Faune, girl, you need to be more compassionate toward yourself! At least accept my compassion. I hear you. And know that there are many reasons for procrastination. First of all, in this stressful and unprecedented time, many people are struggling with extra stress, depression, and other barriers to normal functioning. Also, like you said, if you were raised with parents who were critical, you may have developed perfectionist tendencies, which may mean that rather than doing something that may turn out imperfect, you'd rather not even start (of course, this is subconscious.) And in terms of having a better house, consider all the people who can't even afford to have a house- be proud of yourself! One thing I do when I'm down on myself for not cleaning for a long time is consider what's really important. Is it important that I vacuum every this many days (weeks) or is it important that I enjoy my time reading? I find that what's important to me is spending my time reading. Life is short! I know you probably want to improve your house, but try practicing radical acceptance and focus on the things you like rather than what you want to change. Another trick I use: I make a to-do list and include things I've already done so I can cross them off, such as make my bed, brush my teeth, get dressed. It just looks so much better to have a list that has things crossed off! Here for you

Hello! My name is Jillian and I have been on a self growth journey that has been kicked into high gear in the last few months. I have gained incredible self awareness and adopted new positive habits such as meditation, journaling, and yoga. I used to consider myself a cynical skeptic who was just getting by, but now I have become mindful and discovered the power of positivity and the universe and I want more! I am a server in a restaurant and until recently was content with my job and planned to do it for the rest of my life. However, I want more. The challenge I have at the moment is I don't know what direction or where to start on a new career path. I want to do something helpful, creative, and positive that fulfills me and also helps pay the bills. I recently wrote and recorded my own meditation which was extremely rewarding. I also am in the very beginning stages of writing a book. I stumbled upon this website in my research and I love it and everything it has to offer. Id like to be involved in some kind of positive work like this. Any suggestions, advice, or guidance would be greatly appreciated! Gratefully, JZ

Hi Gillian Thank you for the response and encouraging feedback! Can I ask how you got in to freelance writing and what if any kind of professional training or education you have? I enjoy writing as well, but have no professional experience or formal training. I would love to do something similar to what you do here. I do not know all that your job entails but the communication aspect of it intrigues me. I am also interested in the voiceover industry, specifically narrating audiobooks. I have been looking into coaching and training programs for that but have been hesitant to commit. I really appreciate the advice you offered about not needing to know everything in order to take a step towards something. I think I really needed to hear that, Thank you. At the moment, I am reading The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle. I absolutely love his ideas and want more than anything to be able to live in the present and not dwell in the past or anticipate the future, however it is definitely easier read than done! I have quite the over active mind and stubborn ego that I have managed to reel in, but still have a long way to go to feel in control. My favorite meditations are those of Deepak Chopra. I am currently participating in his latest 21 day meditation series and today is day 8. I just finished listening to an audiobook by Rachel Hollis titled Girl Stop Apologizing. Her story is very inspirational to me. I appreciate that she admits the things most people won't, things I thought I was the only one who felt. I also do yoga with Julia Marie everyday via Amazon prime video! Thanks again for the helpful feedback and I look forward to being a mindful member of your community!

Way to go. Keep up the great work of being present feeling and not judging.

@Faune I also love nature in the mornings with a cup of hot tea. I used to. It has been hard to get back to that this summer. Perhaps In The winter. I have a lifetime of starting and stopping things. That’s ok. Changes occur all the time. The thing is. How long does it take for you to go back to it. If it benefits you hopefully always returning. That is what makes it a daily habit. No worries when stop. Just begin thinking of starting again. For me lately, it is turn the tv off and do something. I always have something else to do. Lol. And you may need the rest. In order to keep a habit a person falls off every so often. Realizing the big benefit then to start back. I feel this is what keeps me going. Knowing I can start again tomorrow. I totally understand how you feel. Do not judge the action of stopping and starting consider it part of the process. I hope today is good for you.

From what I understand, jails can be holding places for people charged but not yet convicted, as well as those serving time less than a year. Prison is for those with a sentence longer than a year.

@FauneYes it was horrible in 2019. I broke it March 28th, had surgery a week later. then the next week went into a rehab facility and couldn;t get out for another month. It was staying in for a year and now I am out and about. This was the third break in the same ankle and foot. I feel it is to slow me down and the universe saying "wait a minute" so I have found myself feeling more in my purpose since then. I appreciate this summer so much more. My in-laws were not nice to help me sell our home or even place their son in assisted living. I had problems with the government placing him and paying for his care. But I learned a lot. I learned I DID NOT have to take all the sadness myself. The defeated emotions of my life were not just mine. I kept them to myself and never should have. Now I know that emotions are meant to be experienced and never held onto. Process and move forward is my life now. Each time I broke my ankle were accidents, stumbling, sliding on gravel, etc. Thank you for the concern. I am doing very well now. @yogawithpriyankaI am not sure how much time I will have but I will try to take part in yoga. I have 2 meditation classes and clients that schedule. 3 conference calls weekly and a Qigong class in evenings. Fishing on weekends.

I LOVE it. Since I broke my ankle the third time last year I am doing it. Plus I practiced Qigong since 2013. So being flexible and breathing through things comes easy but exhaustion from stress of decisions from the past I feel is keeping me stuck. Working on it. I love the stand and move because of the visualization. Seeing energy moving and feeling it are different and requires a lot of practice. lol. I am walking so much better I can go fishing. I missed it for a long time. It reminds me of my dad since I grew up with him running a bait and tackle shop. Fishing stories of all kinds. So peaceful. Only I do not like the fact that the fish is stuck on the hook. That tends to bother me. My Buddha nature come out. But I enjoy just being near the water and hearing the waves. I will do a recording of me teaching the sit, stand, and move so everyone can try it out and do it. I wish you the best in your situation. I went through all that before 2013 and it was brutal with the government and family members. BUT, after I had a plan and got it done. THE RELIEF IS WORTH IT. It really is. Blessings.

Thanks Gillian, I really appreciate your kindness. Yes, it was challenging to say those words to her, but I realize that with the little time I do get to see her, I have to be as real and honest as I can be. I used to sort of walk on tippy toes around her and be fake-happy so as not to trigger her, but I feel so much better (and I think she does too) when I express my true feelings. What happened after broke my heart, but I work really hard on not having expectations. Unfortunately every time I see her doing ok, there is that false hope that things are going to work out. My dad is an alcoholic and I grew up hoping and hoping that he would stop drinking and then promises were broken all the time. You would think I would learn, but that little girl hope never goes away. I have to laugh sometimes, because even picking out a father's day card can be a huge ordeal, and I'll ask myself, "what is this about?" And it seems that part of me believes that if I get him just the right card it might be inspiration enough for him to quit drinking. Magical thinking. So hard to let go of. I've done some work in codependency and that has really helped. Thanks again

I sometimes use mantras, I inhale peace, and exhale fear. I imagine pink smoke coming into my nostrils as I inhale peace, and gray smoke leaving my nostril as I exhale fear (and imagine I'm getting rid of any anxieties or worries of the day.) It works even better if I do nodi shodhana (in my mind) at the same time. This means I inhale through left nostril, and exhale out the right, then inhale out right and exhale out left, etc. When you''re upright, you actually use your thumb and ring finger to block the nostrils, but it's just as effective using your imagination- you can really feel the air just coming in/out of one nostril. It settles the mind.

That's wonderful @Alshattuck40! Yes, I think the 'settling in' part is really important - just taking a few moments for open awareness, easing down, softening the body, etc. And as per your previous note: I also find such power in the breath. Lately, my meditation practice has been more... fluid, I guess I'd say. However, the other morning I set the intention to exclusively watch the breath - no mantras, no focusing on any other part of the body. And it was a wonderfully grounding and centred session.